This morning was difficult. I attempted to open up to God's presence but felt trapped in my own crap. Endless ramblings in my head, stupid concerns, and a ridiculous amount of thoughts trained on myself. I needed to just let go of it all but found it too hard to grasp. I kept trying to return my thoughts to worship and praise but then I would drift off to sleep. Now I know how the disciples must have felt when they were supposed to watch and pray for Jesus in the garden. Sleep and back pain have been definite enemies so far in this journey. I usually sit on the floor to pray but in the last few weeks that has been impossible. I know Brother Lawrence had mastered and even used His pain to focus on the Lord, but I am not there yet.
The rest of the day has been a bit better. It feels like I am able to turn more of my inner monologue into a dialogue with the Lord. Its a start.
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