(this post has been in my drafts for a while - so a bit out of sequence) While on my retreat the Lord put some things together for me.
I have been reading Luke with a friend and discussing. So of course we have read Christ's birth narrative. I have been reflecting on Zechariah's angelic meeting with Gabriel verses Mary's. And how they both asked questions of Gabriel but only one gets rebuked and muted for 9 months. I am afraid up until recently in my faith journey I would have fallen into Zechariah's camp. I have questioned unto doubt. I have doubted God's character, I have questioned His love for me, questioned His desire to bless. It stings to know that about myself, but it is true nonetheless.
Mary questions unto faith. She trusts God's character even when she doesn't know how all the details will work. She knows God's love is true - it is real to her - it is daily truth to her. She has felt His hand of blessing, but hasn't expected blessing as if she deserves it, ... but that is what I have always done. I have expected that being a daughter of the King of the Universe means that I would get certain perks in life. My imagining of life as a princess has been more of fairy tales and less like Christ's life. He came to suffer, to serve, to die. He had no perks in life except one - complete intimacy with the Father.
I felt like God was saying to me while I was praying that I didn't have to be like Zechariah anymore. Even though I do not have it all figured out ( as if I could! ) - even though I could not wrap my brain around all the things that I feel like get in my way when I am questioning - that I could still trust his good character - in faith. He would provide me the faith I need to put that struggle to rest in me - and I could just trust and rest in who He is. I could still wrestle with all my questions but He would help me just say with Mary, ' I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever He wants. May everything you have said come true.' She could say that because she knew God's heart for her - it was her daily truth - Lord make it true of me as well!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
surrender
How do I give myself to the Lord like that? How do I give Him all? How do I walk naked before Him - reserving nothing for myself? How do I stand always at the edge of the cliff waiting and open? Am I even able to do this - as I feel like you are calling me Father? I hear you calling me, I feel you pulling me there! I am so frightened and yet so exhilarated!
I started reading Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray last night before bed. He was a contemporary of Hudson Taylor living in South Africa as a writer and pastor. I am only a couple pages in and already I am overwhelmed...
He writes "... the condition of God's blessing is absolute surrender of all into His hands"
"I have come with a message to those who are fearful and anxious. God does not ask you to give the perfect surrender in your strength, or by the power of your will; God is willing to work it in you."
Phil 2:13
For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him.
Hudson Taylor wrote that even when we are faithless - He abides faithful ....
So if we are joined in Him, united into His body, one with Him, complete in Christ, sealed with the Holy Spirit, hidden with Christ in God - then even when we are faithless - He is faithful enough for us all and I need not worry - He will not allow me to be put to shame. He will do the faith providing. He will give all that is necessary.
God I am not faithful, I am weak and small, I am tired and worn out, I am powerless. But in You I am filled with all faith, I am strong, I am an heir, I am full of energy, I am new, I am filled with power. I am one with You. May I surrender everything to You.
May I weep at your feet, washing your feet with my hair, praising your name - willing to sacrifice all that is precious to me. It scares me to write that - to have it out there - as if having it in print makes it more true. But that is what I want Lord. I want to worship you with everything that I am.
I started reading Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray last night before bed. He was a contemporary of Hudson Taylor living in South Africa as a writer and pastor. I am only a couple pages in and already I am overwhelmed...
He writes "... the condition of God's blessing is absolute surrender of all into His hands"
"I have come with a message to those who are fearful and anxious. God does not ask you to give the perfect surrender in your strength, or by the power of your will; God is willing to work it in you."
Phil 2:13
For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him.
Hudson Taylor wrote that even when we are faithless - He abides faithful ....
So if we are joined in Him, united into His body, one with Him, complete in Christ, sealed with the Holy Spirit, hidden with Christ in God - then even when we are faithless - He is faithful enough for us all and I need not worry - He will not allow me to be put to shame. He will do the faith providing. He will give all that is necessary.
God I am not faithful, I am weak and small, I am tired and worn out, I am powerless. But in You I am filled with all faith, I am strong, I am an heir, I am full of energy, I am new, I am filled with power. I am one with You. May I surrender everything to You.
May I weep at your feet, washing your feet with my hair, praising your name - willing to sacrifice all that is precious to me. It scares me to write that - to have it out there - as if having it in print makes it more true. But that is what I want Lord. I want to worship you with everything that I am.
hudson taylor
I have finished Hudson Taylor's biography, it was excellent. But not because it was written so well or anything like that ... it's because He poured out his whole life to the Lord. Nothing was held back, not his wife, not his kids, nothing in his own life, not his own finances, sleep, time - all was given up - gladly to the Lord.
Here are some of the gems:
They would hear a match stuck (even after the most horrible days of travel or struggle) and see the flicker of candlelight which told that Mr. Taylor, however weary, was pouring over the Bible in 2 volumes always at hand. From 2 to 4 am was the time He usually gave to prayer; the time he could be most assured of being undisturbed to wait upon God.
Turning back, Mr Nichol could not help exclaiming " How can you whistle, when our friends are in so much danger?!" " Would you have me anxious and troubled? " was his quiet reply. " That would not help them, and would certainly incapacitate me for my work. I have just to roll the burden on the Lord."
He abideth faithful and cannot deny Himself. If we are really trusting in Him and seeking from Him, we cannot be put to shame.
Surrender to Christ he had long known, this was something more; this was a new yieldedness, a glad, unreserved handing over of self and everything to Him. It was no longer a question of giving up this or that if the Lord required it; it was a loyal and loving acceptance, a joyful meeting of His will in things little and great, as the very best that could be for His own.
There is a needs-be for us to give ourselves for the life of the world. An easy non-self-denying life will never be one of power. Fruit-bearing involves cross-bearing. There are not 2 Christs - an easy going one for easy going Christians, and a suffering, toiling one for exceptional believers. There is only one Christ. Are you willing to abide in Him and thus bear much fruit?
Wow - and that is only some of it!
I am blown away by the faith God gave to this man.
How I long for such a faith yet feel so unprepared for the trial and suffering that come with it. I guess he was not prepared either ... but oh how he welcomed whatever came from the Lord - as gain. Even when his daughter died, then a son died, even when his wife and newborn child were taken by the Lord, he wept in joy. All was for His glory.
Here are some of the gems:
They would hear a match stuck (even after the most horrible days of travel or struggle) and see the flicker of candlelight which told that Mr. Taylor, however weary, was pouring over the Bible in 2 volumes always at hand. From 2 to 4 am was the time He usually gave to prayer; the time he could be most assured of being undisturbed to wait upon God.
Turning back, Mr Nichol could not help exclaiming " How can you whistle, when our friends are in so much danger?!" " Would you have me anxious and troubled? " was his quiet reply. " That would not help them, and would certainly incapacitate me for my work. I have just to roll the burden on the Lord."
He abideth faithful and cannot deny Himself. If we are really trusting in Him and seeking from Him, we cannot be put to shame.
Surrender to Christ he had long known, this was something more; this was a new yieldedness, a glad, unreserved handing over of self and everything to Him. It was no longer a question of giving up this or that if the Lord required it; it was a loyal and loving acceptance, a joyful meeting of His will in things little and great, as the very best that could be for His own.
There is a needs-be for us to give ourselves for the life of the world. An easy non-self-denying life will never be one of power. Fruit-bearing involves cross-bearing. There are not 2 Christs - an easy going one for easy going Christians, and a suffering, toiling one for exceptional believers. There is only one Christ. Are you willing to abide in Him and thus bear much fruit?
Wow - and that is only some of it!
I am blown away by the faith God gave to this man.
How I long for such a faith yet feel so unprepared for the trial and suffering that come with it. I guess he was not prepared either ... but oh how he welcomed whatever came from the Lord - as gain. Even when his daughter died, then a son died, even when his wife and newborn child were taken by the Lord, he wept in joy. All was for His glory.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Colossians 1
During the full day of prayer on the prayer retreat, the Lord highlighted many things for me, and I tried to keep in mind the words He had given me that morning. Let yourself be naked before me, wide open, and worship. I kept my dream in mind as I prayerfully read through Colossians. I was expectant and hopeful and I felt the Lord's presence strongly on me, my heart even beat erratically.
These are all parts of Colossians 1:
For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God's people, which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven.
We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people...
Everything was created through Him and and for Him.
As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.
But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don't drift away...
And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory.
God was beginning to link all of these verses together for me as I prayed to understand their meaning.
These are all parts of Colossians 1:
For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God's people, which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven.
We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people...
Everything was created through Him and and for Him.
As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.
But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don't drift away...
And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory.
God was beginning to link all of these verses together for me as I prayed to understand their meaning.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
naked dream
I had a dream last week. The kind that you know are different even while you are having it. It was from the Lord...
In the dream - the Lord asked me to walk around naked. All through my day - while I did all the things I was supposed to do, errands, chores, everything. It was awkward, it was startling to be seen, it was hard not to want to cover myself, it was scary. But all the while I could feel the Lord with me, I could feel Him near, I could hear Him encouraging me. Then later in the day I had to go to a wedding. As soon as I entered, I immediately felt even more naked and wanted to blend in and cover myself. I put on a dress. It was a pink and gold over the top princess dress - not unlike a 'dress up' dress that my girls would love to put on. And so I attended the wedding all 'dressed up' even though the dress was nothing like what everyone else was wearing.
I woke up from the dream and immediately heard the Lord say to me - A...., I have asked you to be naked before me, but you have chosen to cover yourself in your own glory.
Later that day I began looking through the Bible for references to nakedness. Of course Adam and Eve came up, a lot of references to nakedness and shame, and then in Hebrews 4...
For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.
In the dream - the Lord asked me to walk around naked. All through my day - while I did all the things I was supposed to do, errands, chores, everything. It was awkward, it was startling to be seen, it was hard not to want to cover myself, it was scary. But all the while I could feel the Lord with me, I could feel Him near, I could hear Him encouraging me. Then later in the day I had to go to a wedding. As soon as I entered, I immediately felt even more naked and wanted to blend in and cover myself. I put on a dress. It was a pink and gold over the top princess dress - not unlike a 'dress up' dress that my girls would love to put on. And so I attended the wedding all 'dressed up' even though the dress was nothing like what everyone else was wearing.
I woke up from the dream and immediately heard the Lord say to me - A...., I have asked you to be naked before me, but you have chosen to cover yourself in your own glory.
Later that day I began looking through the Bible for references to nakedness. Of course Adam and Eve came up, a lot of references to nakedness and shame, and then in Hebrews 4...
For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.
morning worship
My retreat experience was amazing. Though difficult at times - totally worth it. To have so much quiet, so much focused time, so much time in the Word, was a true gift.
Each of the 2 mornings I had set aside time for us each to have our own worship time before the Lord. I encouraged everyone to bring an iPod filled with worship music so that everyone could worship on their own.
My first morning was so wonderful. I climbed into my top bunk after showering and getting ready for the day, iPod and Bible in hand. I listened to some worship music - it was if the Lord had picked it out for me. He reminded me of His love for me, He helped me take my eyes off myself and turn them to Him. As I turned off the music, He directed me to read Luke 8 - a story that had stood out to me in the last few weeks. It's the story of the immoral woman who weeps at Jesus' feet, and pours out worship to Him. The Lord opened me wide to hear the Word fresh again. I was so struck by her willingness to give everything she had - to be so seemingly foolish and worship so nakedly in front of those who despised her. I was struck by Jesus saying that those who are forgiven much also love much. I was struck by Jesus saying that her faith saved her.
As I read the story again... the Lord pulled together the things that He desired me to say as we prepared for our day of prayer. I had no idea what he wanted me to say until then. He brought to mind a dream I had had the week before, and tied it together with this story and a selection from Hebrews. It was amazing - it was exactly the thing needed - and He did it all - and I got to experience it all.
Each of the 2 mornings I had set aside time for us each to have our own worship time before the Lord. I encouraged everyone to bring an iPod filled with worship music so that everyone could worship on their own.
My first morning was so wonderful. I climbed into my top bunk after showering and getting ready for the day, iPod and Bible in hand. I listened to some worship music - it was if the Lord had picked it out for me. He reminded me of His love for me, He helped me take my eyes off myself and turn them to Him. As I turned off the music, He directed me to read Luke 8 - a story that had stood out to me in the last few weeks. It's the story of the immoral woman who weeps at Jesus' feet, and pours out worship to Him. The Lord opened me wide to hear the Word fresh again. I was so struck by her willingness to give everything she had - to be so seemingly foolish and worship so nakedly in front of those who despised her. I was struck by Jesus saying that those who are forgiven much also love much. I was struck by Jesus saying that her faith saved her.
As I read the story again... the Lord pulled together the things that He desired me to say as we prepared for our day of prayer. I had no idea what he wanted me to say until then. He brought to mind a dream I had had the week before, and tied it together with this story and a selection from Hebrews. It was amazing - it was exactly the thing needed - and He did it all - and I got to experience it all.
prayer retreat
I just ran a prayer retreat this past weekend. It was my first ever - and I feel like it went rather well. It was 2 nights and 1 1/2 days. On Friday - the only full day I think we prayed for around 8 hours - though not straight through! I had never been on a prayer retreat before - so I didn't even know what to expect. I went to some websites to see what others do - to get an idea. Then I dove in, prayed and asked for God's guidance on the plans. We studied the entire book of Colossians - praying through it in the Lectio Divina style. I didn't give too much instruction - or even many guidelines - I just wanted to give the women who came with me an opportunity to put themselves before the Lord and be quiet for a really long time.
I don't think there is enough quiet in our lives.
It was interesting to hear how the Lord interacted with all of us. The first session - a 2 hour block, Col Chapter 1 - seemed to go really well for everyone after getting past our layer of distraction and surface thoughts. But then after that, meeting with the Lord seemed to come pretty easily for everyone. The hour of intercession during our lunch fast went really easily... but then the 2nd 2 hour block - Col chapter 2 was a mixed review some difficult, some easy - but generally it seemed that continuing to press in was more difficult. The 3rd 2 hour block - Col chapter 3&4 - was quite difficult - we were expecting resolution but not all received what they were hoping for.
At the debrief at dinner that night I asked everyone what they had received from the Lord, what did He highlight for them in scripture, what did they appreciate the most? All were really glad to be set before the Lord for such a long time - for so much quiet - for such a unique opportunity. Everyone it seemed had received different things from the Lord, one women looked at suffering, one at thankfulness and being brought into the kingdom of light, one at the will of God, one at the promises of God, one at fear. God had met with us all so differently - so tailored according to our needs, yet we were all reading the same text.
I don't know if I would do anything different... should I have given more spiritual direction? Should I have debriefed with each woman afterwards? Should we have given more specific instruction? I am really unsure... I guess the Lord will show me over time.
I don't think there is enough quiet in our lives.
It was interesting to hear how the Lord interacted with all of us. The first session - a 2 hour block, Col Chapter 1 - seemed to go really well for everyone after getting past our layer of distraction and surface thoughts. But then after that, meeting with the Lord seemed to come pretty easily for everyone. The hour of intercession during our lunch fast went really easily... but then the 2nd 2 hour block - Col chapter 2 was a mixed review some difficult, some easy - but generally it seemed that continuing to press in was more difficult. The 3rd 2 hour block - Col chapter 3&4 - was quite difficult - we were expecting resolution but not all received what they were hoping for.
At the debrief at dinner that night I asked everyone what they had received from the Lord, what did He highlight for them in scripture, what did they appreciate the most? All were really glad to be set before the Lord for such a long time - for so much quiet - for such a unique opportunity. Everyone it seemed had received different things from the Lord, one women looked at suffering, one at thankfulness and being brought into the kingdom of light, one at the will of God, one at the promises of God, one at fear. God had met with us all so differently - so tailored according to our needs, yet we were all reading the same text.
I don't know if I would do anything different... should I have given more spiritual direction? Should I have debriefed with each woman afterwards? Should we have given more specific instruction? I am really unsure... I guess the Lord will show me over time.
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