So all of that contributes to where I am today - right now.
I read a bunch of Psalms this morning. This one stood out for me... I posted it earlier.
Psalm 35: 1-3
O LORD, oppose those who oppose me.
Fight those who fight against me.
Put on your armor, and take up your shield.
Prepare for battle, and come to my aid.
Lift up your spear and javelin
against those who pursue me.
Let me hear you say,
“I will give you victory!”
I loved reading about God fighting for me. That is what I have been praying for. I have been wanting God to show up and do His thing and show me whatever I needed to know - no matter how painful it was. And I loved hearing about His victory. I have been praying for His victory to be enacted in my life (to have what is already true about me as a new creature in Christ - no longer a slave to sin - actually be true now!). As I read the words this morning - I knew they were meant for me today - to hang onto.
I had already read a ton of scripture, and prayed a lot. But this is a Lenten fast day for me - so during lunch I snuck away from the kids and came back upstairs and decided to read some more. I did my homework for small group and then the Lord gave me an impression to again pick up 'Absolute Surrender' by Andrew Murray (he is a great writer by the way, friendly and loving but, powerful). Everything after that just seemed to fall into place - and God opened up my heart and mind to see what I have missed.
Andrew Murray writes:
At a later period he comes to another state of mind. He begins to see such a life is impossible, but he does not accept it. There are multitudes of Christians who come to this point: “I cannot”; and then think God never expected them to do what they cannot do. If you tell them that God does expect it, it appears to them a mystery. A good many Christians are living a low life, a life of failure and of sin, instead of rest and victory, because they began to see: “I cannot, it is impossible.” And yet they do not understand it fully, and so, under the impression, I cannot, they give way to despair. They will do their best, but they never expect to get on very far.
But God leads His children on to a third stage, when a man comes to take that, It is impossible, in its full truth, and yet at the same time says: “I must do it, and I will do it — it is impossible for man, and yet I must do it”; when the renewed will begins to exercise its whole power, and in intense longing and prayer begins to cry to God: “Lord, what is the meaning of this? — how am I to be freed from the power of sin?”
This is exactly where I was - asking this same question - How am I to be free. Knowing it is from God - but how - what am I missing?
It is the state of the regenerate man in Romans 7. There you will find the Christian man trying his very utmost to live a holy life. God’s law has been revealed to him as reaching down into the very depth of the desires of the heart, and the man can dare to say:
“I delight in the law of God after the inward man. To will what is good is present with me. My heart loves the law of God, and my will has chosen that law.”
Can a man like that fail, with his heart full of delight in God’s law and with his will determined to do what is right? Yes. That is what Romans 7 teaches us. There is something more needed. Not only must I delight in the law of God after the inward man, and will what God wills, but I need a divine omnipotence to work it in me. And that is what the apostle Paul teaches in Philippians 2:13:
“It is God which worketh in you, both to will and to do.”
Note the contrast. In Romans 7, the regenerate man says: “To will is present with me, but to do — I find I cannot do. I will, but I cannot perform.” But in Philippians 2, you have a man who has been led on farther, a man who understands that when God has worked the renewed will, God will give the power to accomplish what that will desires. Let us receive this as the first great lesson in the spiritual life: “It is impossible for me, my God; let there be an end of the flesh and all its powers, an end of self, and let it be my glory to be helpless.”
Praise God for the divine teaching that makes us helpless!
When you thought of absolute surrender to God were you not brought to an end of yourself, and to feel that you could see how you actually could live as a man absolutely surrendered to God every moment of the day — at your table, in your house, in your business, in the midst of trials and temptations? I pray you learn the lesson now. If you felt you could not do it, you are on the right road, if you let yourselves be led. Accept that position, and maintain it before God: “My heart’s desire and delight, O God, is absolute surrender, but I cannot perform it. It is impossible for me to live that life. It is beyond me.” Fall down and learn that when you are utterly helpless, God will come to work in you not only to will, but also to do.
This is where I have been - trying desperately to get my inward man - the renewed man - to work and serve God - but I have not had His power. I knew I needed His power - but He had not provided it yet - so I have been waiting - knowing what I needed, but not knowing what piece He still felt I have been missing - before He will provide what he has promised.
I have not been helpless.
Showing posts with label Andrew Murray. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Andrew Murray. Show all posts
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
cake and humility
I have been reading Andrew Murray's Absolute Surrender. I have been reading/thinking about the passage below over and over again the past couple of days - feeling like the Lord is speaking to me through it. He is speaking about Peter's life, and his repentance after he denied Jesus, then these are his conclusions...
The first lesson is this—You may be a very earnest, godly, devoted believer, in whom the power of the flesh is yet very strong.
That is a very solemn truth. Peter, before he denied Christ, had cast out devils and had healed the sick; and yet the flesh had power, and the flesh had room in him. Oh, beloved, we have to realize that it is just because there is so much of that self-life in us that the power of God cannot work in us as mightily as God is willing that it should work. Do you realize that the great God is longing to double His blessing, to give tenfold blessing through us? But there is something hindering Him, and that something is a proof of nothing but the self-life. (WOW) We talk about the pride of Peter, and the impetuosity of Peter, and the self-confidence of Peter. It all rooted in that one word, self. Christ had said, “Deny self,” and Peter had never understood, and never obeyed; and every failing came out of that.
What a solemn thought, and what an urgent plea for us to cry: O God, do reveal this to us, that none of us may be living the self-life! It has happened to many a one who had been a Christian for years, who had perhaps occupied a prominent position, that God found him out and taught him to find himself out, and he became utterly ashamed, falling down broken before God. Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow and pain and agony that came to him, until at last he found that there was deliverance! Peter went out and wept bitterly, and there may be many a godly one in whom the power of the flesh still rules.
And then my second lesson is—It is the work of our blessed Lord Jesus to reveal the power of self.
How was it that Peter, the carnal Peter, self-willed Peter, Peter with the strong self-love, ever became a man of Pentecost and the writer of his epistles? It was because Christ had him in charge, and Christ watched over him, and Christ taught and blessed him. The warnings that Christ had given him were part of the training; and last of all there came that look of love. In His suffering Christ did not forget him, but turned round and looked upon him, and “Peter went out and wept bitterly.” And the Christ who led Peter to Pentecost is waiting today to take charge of every heart that is willing to surrender itself to Him.
Are there not some saying: “Ah! that is the mischief with me; it is always the self-life, and self-comfort, and self-consciousness, and self-pleasing, and self-will; how am I to get rid of it?”
My answer is: It is Christ Jesus who can rid you of it; none else but Christ Jesus can give deliverance from the power of self. And what does He ask you to do? He asks that you should humble yourself before Him.
Some verses I am thinking on... what does it mean to humble myself?
2 Chronicles 7:14
Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.
Daniel 10: 2-3, 12
When this vision came to me, I, Daniel, had been in mourning for three whole weeks. All that time I had eaten no rich food. No meat or wine crossed my lips, and I used no fragrant lotions until those three weeks had passed... Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer.
1 Peter 5: 5-7
In the same way, you younger men must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for “God opposes the proud but favors the humble.”So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
I have not fully repented of my food addiction, I have not humbled myself before the Lord totally - I have reserved some of my flesh for myself. I have not laid aside all my comforts and turned to the Lord - I keep trying to have my cake and eat it too - quite literally. And just to heap more trouble on myself in the last couple of days I have been wallowing in self pity. Ugg - who can save me from this body of death - Thank You Jesus - the victory is Yours -You have already done it all - make it true in me!
The first lesson is this—You may be a very earnest, godly, devoted believer, in whom the power of the flesh is yet very strong.
That is a very solemn truth. Peter, before he denied Christ, had cast out devils and had healed the sick; and yet the flesh had power, and the flesh had room in him. Oh, beloved, we have to realize that it is just because there is so much of that self-life in us that the power of God cannot work in us as mightily as God is willing that it should work. Do you realize that the great God is longing to double His blessing, to give tenfold blessing through us? But there is something hindering Him, and that something is a proof of nothing but the self-life. (WOW) We talk about the pride of Peter, and the impetuosity of Peter, and the self-confidence of Peter. It all rooted in that one word, self. Christ had said, “Deny self,” and Peter had never understood, and never obeyed; and every failing came out of that.
What a solemn thought, and what an urgent plea for us to cry: O God, do reveal this to us, that none of us may be living the self-life! It has happened to many a one who had been a Christian for years, who had perhaps occupied a prominent position, that God found him out and taught him to find himself out, and he became utterly ashamed, falling down broken before God. Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow and pain and agony that came to him, until at last he found that there was deliverance! Peter went out and wept bitterly, and there may be many a godly one in whom the power of the flesh still rules.
And then my second lesson is—It is the work of our blessed Lord Jesus to reveal the power of self.
How was it that Peter, the carnal Peter, self-willed Peter, Peter with the strong self-love, ever became a man of Pentecost and the writer of his epistles? It was because Christ had him in charge, and Christ watched over him, and Christ taught and blessed him. The warnings that Christ had given him were part of the training; and last of all there came that look of love. In His suffering Christ did not forget him, but turned round and looked upon him, and “Peter went out and wept bitterly.” And the Christ who led Peter to Pentecost is waiting today to take charge of every heart that is willing to surrender itself to Him.
Are there not some saying: “Ah! that is the mischief with me; it is always the self-life, and self-comfort, and self-consciousness, and self-pleasing, and self-will; how am I to get rid of it?”
My answer is: It is Christ Jesus who can rid you of it; none else but Christ Jesus can give deliverance from the power of self. And what does He ask you to do? He asks that you should humble yourself before Him.
Some verses I am thinking on... what does it mean to humble myself?
2 Chronicles 7:14
Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.
Daniel 10: 2-3, 12
When this vision came to me, I, Daniel, had been in mourning for three whole weeks. All that time I had eaten no rich food. No meat or wine crossed my lips, and I used no fragrant lotions until those three weeks had passed... Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer.
1 Peter 5: 5-7
In the same way, you younger men must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for “God opposes the proud but favors the humble.”So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
I have not fully repented of my food addiction, I have not humbled myself before the Lord totally - I have reserved some of my flesh for myself. I have not laid aside all my comforts and turned to the Lord - I keep trying to have my cake and eat it too - quite literally. And just to heap more trouble on myself in the last couple of days I have been wallowing in self pity. Ugg - who can save me from this body of death - Thank You Jesus - the victory is Yours -You have already done it all - make it true in me!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
surrender
How do I give myself to the Lord like that? How do I give Him all? How do I walk naked before Him - reserving nothing for myself? How do I stand always at the edge of the cliff waiting and open? Am I even able to do this - as I feel like you are calling me Father? I hear you calling me, I feel you pulling me there! I am so frightened and yet so exhilarated!
I started reading Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray last night before bed. He was a contemporary of Hudson Taylor living in South Africa as a writer and pastor. I am only a couple pages in and already I am overwhelmed...
He writes "... the condition of God's blessing is absolute surrender of all into His hands"
"I have come with a message to those who are fearful and anxious. God does not ask you to give the perfect surrender in your strength, or by the power of your will; God is willing to work it in you."
Phil 2:13
For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him.
Hudson Taylor wrote that even when we are faithless - He abides faithful ....
So if we are joined in Him, united into His body, one with Him, complete in Christ, sealed with the Holy Spirit, hidden with Christ in God - then even when we are faithless - He is faithful enough for us all and I need not worry - He will not allow me to be put to shame. He will do the faith providing. He will give all that is necessary.
God I am not faithful, I am weak and small, I am tired and worn out, I am powerless. But in You I am filled with all faith, I am strong, I am an heir, I am full of energy, I am new, I am filled with power. I am one with You. May I surrender everything to You.
May I weep at your feet, washing your feet with my hair, praising your name - willing to sacrifice all that is precious to me. It scares me to write that - to have it out there - as if having it in print makes it more true. But that is what I want Lord. I want to worship you with everything that I am.
I started reading Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray last night before bed. He was a contemporary of Hudson Taylor living in South Africa as a writer and pastor. I am only a couple pages in and already I am overwhelmed...
He writes "... the condition of God's blessing is absolute surrender of all into His hands"
"I have come with a message to those who are fearful and anxious. God does not ask you to give the perfect surrender in your strength, or by the power of your will; God is willing to work it in you."
Phil 2:13
For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him.
Hudson Taylor wrote that even when we are faithless - He abides faithful ....
So if we are joined in Him, united into His body, one with Him, complete in Christ, sealed with the Holy Spirit, hidden with Christ in God - then even when we are faithless - He is faithful enough for us all and I need not worry - He will not allow me to be put to shame. He will do the faith providing. He will give all that is necessary.
God I am not faithful, I am weak and small, I am tired and worn out, I am powerless. But in You I am filled with all faith, I am strong, I am an heir, I am full of energy, I am new, I am filled with power. I am one with You. May I surrender everything to You.
May I weep at your feet, washing your feet with my hair, praising your name - willing to sacrifice all that is precious to me. It scares me to write that - to have it out there - as if having it in print makes it more true. But that is what I want Lord. I want to worship you with everything that I am.
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