last night

Last night I could feel the Lord's presence again before I fell asleep. He came and filled my heart. He was near, and I felt whole for the first time in a long time. I just cried, and kept thanking Him again and again for coming to be with me. It was like I knew He would not stay long, just as I was falling asleep, like a father stroking his daughters hair before she drifts off for the night. 


Even now it brings me to tears. I miss Him so much when He feels far away, and nothing seems to fit into place like it does when He is close. 


I need to keep myself open and worship Him even when I don't know what is going on and I am stuck in confusion. He is still with me, I need to believe that truth just as easily as I breathe.   


This David Chrowder song from Church Music, has been playing in my mind this morning as I think back on my night: 


My hands are searching for You
My arms are outstretched towards You
I feel You on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for You

This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing You

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And You whisper You love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with You
I am alone and they are too with You

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see You

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe