burden

The Lord has placed a burden on my heart to pray for my church. It feels pretty heavy at times. It feels like a weight of anxious energy constantly driving me to pray. So I have been praying a lot. It is not the same as trying to practice the Lord's presence, though it is hard for me to think of ways to explain the difference. Seeking the Lord's presence feels like pursuing a joy, or rest. This feels more like work - not bad work, but something that needs to get done - urgently done. Yet even when I pray the need to pray is still with me when I am done.

I have read a book called Beyond the Veil by Alice Smith, she writes about intercessory prayer - it has been very helpful for me in identifying just what this urgent anxious weight is all about. I would not have known otherwise - that God uses physiological things to trigger us to pray. She writes for us to keep praying until you feel a release - I haven't felt it yet - so I will continue to pray - and ask others to pray as well.

It's not like I don't feel like I am pursuing God's presence, because I feel like I am doing just what I ought to be doing. This is where He is leading, so this is where I am going. It's just not what I thought it would be.