The quiet continues...
I began wondering this morning at church ... What if the Lord chose never to turn on my spiritual sense again? What if He never allowed me to clearly hear His voice or sense His presence again ... would I be able go on like this for the rest of my days?
ugg...
Nothing, NOTHING about that idea sounds good to me. BUT it is a good question....
I once heard a story about a woman - I think in Africa - who heard God speak so very clearly to her. It happened only one time - but it was so clear, so distinct, so obviously from God - that she began serving Him, pouring out, every day thereafter. But that one day was SO clear, SO distinct, SO of GOD that is spurred her on for ALL of her days... He never spoke to her again... just that once. But she served every day, as if she heard Him everyday.
I have been thinking about this... wishing I knew who she was - so I could read her story ... if she even has one. Can I serve God, worship Him, love Him with passion, zeal, throw everything in, give up whatever, worship with abandon - even if I never hear His voice again, never sense Him near?
I want to. I really do. I want to give Him crazy praise, I want to read His word and study, and learn and grow and draw near even if I can't feel Him. I want to tell others about Him and encourage them to do the same. Because, somewhere in me I am finally getting that this is not about me. This is about Jesus and what He deserves. If all He ever did for me was die on the cross, and rise up again, and pull me into that salvation ... then He deserves all my praise, all my devotion, all my love, and heart, and soul, and mind, and strength. He deserves it ALL!
Lord, since you have carried me this far ... can you please by the power of the Spirit carry me into praise - praise for all the wonderful things you have done for me ... set my heart on fire with delight in You. Strip my mind of myself and fix everything on Your wonders. May I see you more clearly in this time of quiet.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
STAY OPEN
I went into church ... and really the whole morning feeling quite down and overwhelmed, on the brink of tears. The moving and being away from everything familiar is really, really hard... and I think it is finally catching up with me. I have had my moments before this for sure, but now it feels like I have hit a wall. The not being known and not really knowing anyone, has become quite loud and painful. And I know the only thing to truly heal any of that is to wait on God to unfold my new life and purpose as it is meant to unfold - OVER TIME.
BUT this morning I wanted to curl up in bed and definitely not go to church. I did not want to face the sea of people I don't know.... and instead stay in my apartment with what little I DO know ... my kids, my furniture. That sounds silly but this feels like all I have besides my husband and he was already at church!
I got up and went anyway realizing that my furniture really is not that comforting (it's nice and all but...). And I had a vague sense that the Lord was saying stay open, STAY OPEN. Again it's all so dull and vague from the Lord right now. I remember watching an episode of Star Trek Next Generation when Counselor Troi lost her empathic ability ... and she described everyone as flat and lifeless. She had lost one of her senses and she felt lost, lonely, and afraid. I sort of feel the same ... I feel like I have lost one of my senses ... my spiritual sense, and now I am floundering around blind or deaf. It's awful. Especially now when life is already overwhelming.
Stay open! Don't curl up and hide ... run into it! Ugg ... are You kidding? ... then this verse came to mind...
Consider it all joy, when trials come. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. SO LET IT GROW, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1: 3-4
Fully developed
perfect
complete
needing nothing
These are all really good things! REALLY good things!
So breathe ... stay open ... let my broken heart flap out there in the wind ... and HE will show up and complete the work He has begun in me. Complete ... that sounds crazy good and worth the wait.
BUT this morning I wanted to curl up in bed and definitely not go to church. I did not want to face the sea of people I don't know.... and instead stay in my apartment with what little I DO know ... my kids, my furniture. That sounds silly but this feels like all I have besides my husband and he was already at church!
I got up and went anyway realizing that my furniture really is not that comforting (it's nice and all but...). And I had a vague sense that the Lord was saying stay open, STAY OPEN. Again it's all so dull and vague from the Lord right now. I remember watching an episode of Star Trek Next Generation when Counselor Troi lost her empathic ability ... and she described everyone as flat and lifeless. She had lost one of her senses and she felt lost, lonely, and afraid. I sort of feel the same ... I feel like I have lost one of my senses ... my spiritual sense, and now I am floundering around blind or deaf. It's awful. Especially now when life is already overwhelming.
Stay open! Don't curl up and hide ... run into it! Ugg ... are You kidding? ... then this verse came to mind...
Consider it all joy, when trials come. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. SO LET IT GROW, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1: 3-4
Fully developed
perfect
complete
needing nothing
These are all really good things! REALLY good things!
So breathe ... stay open ... let my broken heart flap out there in the wind ... and HE will show up and complete the work He has begun in me. Complete ... that sounds crazy good and worth the wait.
Monday, September 16, 2013
carried
I just read over my more recent posts and I realized just now, that God has been answering my prayers ... just not in the way I expected or to be frank how I wanted.
I had prayed for God to break my food addiction ... and through a weird set of circumstances found myself in the Medifast storefront here in my new home ... signing my life away for the next 16 months - 4 months to lose weight and a year to maintain - with a crazy price tag that my husband said yes to. I have to go in every week - visit with a nutritionist and get weighed and buy my food for the next week. I am still not sure how it all happened ... I had no intention of doing that - but then there it was - happening!
I have also been praying about what to do with my kids and their school ... they didn't get into the charter school I thought God was directing us to ... and since his direction away from the public school and to the charter school seemed so clear ... we just kept waiting. Until the day I went in and even though my son is 3rd on the waiting list ... and they said time and again, 'it will be fine they should get in,' they did NOT get in. WHAT? God I thought that was what you wanted?
Enter in a conversation with a friend who just began homeschooling this year... and she said God will show you what you are supposed to do... then a nudge from the Holy Spirit ... and I realized I had no room in there for the Spirit to move because I was so firmly a "NO" to homeschooling that is wasn't even an option. Then that week I got super sick - fever, chills, aches etc ... what this boils down to - I had time on my hands. I started reading blogs about homeschooling and finding myself in a PMS and illness induced tear fest - or was it? Either way, I found myself getting excited about it and later that night saying to my husband 'you'll never guess what I am thinking about doing?!' He never did guess - because it is so outrageous - because it's so totally crazy!
So after 2 weeks of breaking me down and sending people in to speak encouragement and to answer all of my insane questions - God won. I am homeschooling. Even with all of my objections ... all my hang-ups... Jesus knows I want to submit to Him, even if He is asking the craziest thing of me! After one conversation with a new friend ... I literally found myself in the parking lot at Walmart crying again. Crying over dying to more of myself, losing what I think of as freedom, time disappearing, all my weaknesses being tested daily. Homeschooling is now a new calling on my life. I NEVER thought I would say that - NEVER!
Curriculum has been chosen, the kids have been pulled from school and now we start something totally new. I am thoroughly frightened. BUT I am also excited to see what God does!
In both of these - decisions? - shall we call them... I felt carried. The Lord remains quiet. I can not hear Him, I can not feel him, His Word is flat, I have no sense of Him ... nothing SPECIFIC or pointed like how I normally hear Him. I can see His movements out there, but it's vague, and I can see God's hand in others - in friends - easier than myself. I can hear His words to me from others ... but it's distant and dull. It is like being in a game show where they make you stand in that plexiglass sound proof room so you can't hear your opponent's answers. You can see a little but it doesn't make sense. I know God is there but He has me isolated for some reason. I am not sure why.
One friend suggested that it was to hone my other senses. This could be true... I can see that I am recognizing God's hand - His sovereignty carrying me through each of the above life altering decisions. And I can see how my faith has changed. Before God began this new work in me ... and probably even during ... I would have cried, shaken my fist, screamed and sworn at Him like a child in a temper tantrum just because I thought I was alone. BUT now I KNOW I am not alone. I feel His care for me in the things I can see He is orchestrating. I know that when I draw near to Him - even though I can not feel Him or hear Him ... He draws near to me.... my faith HAS changed.
Another friend said that the quiet was perhaps for this ... that WHEN He speaks ... for whatever reason it may be! ... you will KNOW exactly what He wants from you. The quiet is meant to highlight whatever is coming.
That rang true to my prophetic ears. Because my big questions are still unanswered .... what is this whole journey to joy about ... what is the block? - still do not know! What is my purpose here in our new home, our new church ... I still do not know! But I do know that God is taking care of me ... killing off my food addiction, setting me AND my kids apart for something new, answering prayers ... all the quiet is just Him getting us ready for something - something that is coming. The quiet has a purpose.
Being carried is not always a bad thing ... especially when you get to see your prayers answered! And you know God is going to tell you something big just up ahead.
I had prayed for God to break my food addiction ... and through a weird set of circumstances found myself in the Medifast storefront here in my new home ... signing my life away for the next 16 months - 4 months to lose weight and a year to maintain - with a crazy price tag that my husband said yes to. I have to go in every week - visit with a nutritionist and get weighed and buy my food for the next week. I am still not sure how it all happened ... I had no intention of doing that - but then there it was - happening!
I have also been praying about what to do with my kids and their school ... they didn't get into the charter school I thought God was directing us to ... and since his direction away from the public school and to the charter school seemed so clear ... we just kept waiting. Until the day I went in and even though my son is 3rd on the waiting list ... and they said time and again, 'it will be fine they should get in,' they did NOT get in. WHAT? God I thought that was what you wanted?
Enter in a conversation with a friend who just began homeschooling this year... and she said God will show you what you are supposed to do... then a nudge from the Holy Spirit ... and I realized I had no room in there for the Spirit to move because I was so firmly a "NO" to homeschooling that is wasn't even an option. Then that week I got super sick - fever, chills, aches etc ... what this boils down to - I had time on my hands. I started reading blogs about homeschooling and finding myself in a PMS and illness induced tear fest - or was it? Either way, I found myself getting excited about it and later that night saying to my husband 'you'll never guess what I am thinking about doing?!' He never did guess - because it is so outrageous - because it's so totally crazy!
So after 2 weeks of breaking me down and sending people in to speak encouragement and to answer all of my insane questions - God won. I am homeschooling. Even with all of my objections ... all my hang-ups... Jesus knows I want to submit to Him, even if He is asking the craziest thing of me! After one conversation with a new friend ... I literally found myself in the parking lot at Walmart crying again. Crying over dying to more of myself, losing what I think of as freedom, time disappearing, all my weaknesses being tested daily. Homeschooling is now a new calling on my life. I NEVER thought I would say that - NEVER!
Curriculum has been chosen, the kids have been pulled from school and now we start something totally new. I am thoroughly frightened. BUT I am also excited to see what God does!
In both of these - decisions? - shall we call them... I felt carried. The Lord remains quiet. I can not hear Him, I can not feel him, His Word is flat, I have no sense of Him ... nothing SPECIFIC or pointed like how I normally hear Him. I can see His movements out there, but it's vague, and I can see God's hand in others - in friends - easier than myself. I can hear His words to me from others ... but it's distant and dull. It is like being in a game show where they make you stand in that plexiglass sound proof room so you can't hear your opponent's answers. You can see a little but it doesn't make sense. I know God is there but He has me isolated for some reason. I am not sure why.
One friend suggested that it was to hone my other senses. This could be true... I can see that I am recognizing God's hand - His sovereignty carrying me through each of the above life altering decisions. And I can see how my faith has changed. Before God began this new work in me ... and probably even during ... I would have cried, shaken my fist, screamed and sworn at Him like a child in a temper tantrum just because I thought I was alone. BUT now I KNOW I am not alone. I feel His care for me in the things I can see He is orchestrating. I know that when I draw near to Him - even though I can not feel Him or hear Him ... He draws near to me.... my faith HAS changed.
Another friend said that the quiet was perhaps for this ... that WHEN He speaks ... for whatever reason it may be! ... you will KNOW exactly what He wants from you. The quiet is meant to highlight whatever is coming.
That rang true to my prophetic ears. Because my big questions are still unanswered .... what is this whole journey to joy about ... what is the block? - still do not know! What is my purpose here in our new home, our new church ... I still do not know! But I do know that God is taking care of me ... killing off my food addiction, setting me AND my kids apart for something new, answering prayers ... all the quiet is just Him getting us ready for something - something that is coming. The quiet has a purpose.
Being carried is not always a bad thing ... especially when you get to see your prayers answered! And you know God is going to tell you something big just up ahead.
Friday, August 23, 2013
submission
Ahh ... the praying has begun.
Lord all week I have been avoiding you. Partly afraid that when I got here ... You would not show. And partly, my flesh just really didn't want to. My flesh would much rather eat chocolate, and ice cream, watch TV and play games on my phone much more than come and fully submit.
That's the real problem right, Lord? I just can't fully give up control of food to you. I know you have wanted me to come - Isaiah 65: 1-5 ... You have been ready for me ... I have not been ready for you. I am trying to have one last wallow in my filth before I let you clean me.
The Lord says,
“I was ready to respond, but no one asked for help.
I was ready to be found, but no one was looking for me.
I said, ‘Here I am, here I am!’
to a nation that did not call on my name.
All day long I opened my arms to a rebellious people.
But they follow their own evil paths
and their own crooked schemes.
All day long they insult me to my face
by worshiping idols in their sacred gardens.
They burn incense on pagan altars.
At night they go out among the graves,
worshiping the dead.
They eat the flesh of pigs
and make stews with other forbidden foods.
Yet they say to each other,
‘Don’t come too close or you will defile me!
I am holier than you!’
These people are a stench in my nostrils,
an acrid smell that never goes away.
This passage in Isaiah seems a bit hard to me ... but then not ... It is just my flesh balking - wanting an easy way out. It's my pride hurting because it wants to be right, but really what You are asking, Lord - is for total death. And I keep trying to cling to a little of my own way. Andrew Murray helps once again - reminding me that I must let go of ALL ... if I am going to have more of you - more presence - more life - true joy.
Children of God, we must go down deeper into the grave of Jesus. We must cultivate the sense of impotence, and dependence, and nothingness, until our souls walk before God every day in a deep and holy trembling. God keep us from being anything. God teach us to wait on Him, that He may work in us all He wrought in His Son, till Christ Jesus may live out His life in us! For this may God help us!
Christ had a perfect life, given by God. The Father said: “Will you give up that life to me? Will you part with it at my command?” And He parted with it, but God gave it back to Him in a second life ten thousand times more glorious than that earthly life. So God will do to every one of us who willingly consents to part with his life. - Andrew Murray - The Master's Indwelling
My Spirit ... the new heart - new creature in me WANTS this. But my flesh says - NOOOOO! I don't want to submit that much - I don't want to be that humbled - that thumbed down - that run . But the thing is there is no other way. Death must come - a total death.
Jesus I submit ... I don not want what my flesh wants anymore. I want You to come flooding in and take over - put me in the grave - empty me out, crush my evil desires, kill my flesh, put down my rebellion, suck away my pride. Remind me again just how small I am - and how much I need you to come in and do the things I can only dream of.
Lord, I know this idol of food is in the way. It is blocking your work in me. I have nothing to offer in this - even now I am starving and want to run to the fridge for lunch. You HAVE to come - YOU have to do something new in me! I don't like my wishy-washy back and forth divided mind anymore. Give me wisdom - give me insight, help me remember to pray before I eat every single time, help me submit to Your desires, help me to be grateful when you tell me what You allow. I CAN NOT do this ... YOU MUST. Free me from any opposing desire. Fill me with new desires - to be obedient, and thankful, and free.
Lord I confess now of my unbelief in your care, my unbelief in your desire to save me from this sin, my unbelief that victory is possible, that the victory that you have laid out can even be desirable to me. Lord, I confess my flat out disobedience in the last months, my overwhelming need to satisfy my flesh, letting my eyes lust after food, for satisfying the god of my stomach over You. Lord if the enemy has a foothold in this area - I cast him out in the name of Jesus ... free me to love and serve You and You alone in this area of my life. Lord, Jesus will you send the Holy Spirit to come and fill me up, to fill me with a new love for obedience, and a desire to honor you with every bite I take. Fill me with a hunger and thirst for You - a longing to be with you at your feet - serving You as You see fit.
Lord all week I have been avoiding you. Partly afraid that when I got here ... You would not show. And partly, my flesh just really didn't want to. My flesh would much rather eat chocolate, and ice cream, watch TV and play games on my phone much more than come and fully submit.
That's the real problem right, Lord? I just can't fully give up control of food to you. I know you have wanted me to come - Isaiah 65: 1-5 ... You have been ready for me ... I have not been ready for you. I am trying to have one last wallow in my filth before I let you clean me.
The Lord says,
“I was ready to respond, but no one asked for help.
I was ready to be found, but no one was looking for me.
I said, ‘Here I am, here I am!’
to a nation that did not call on my name.
All day long I opened my arms to a rebellious people.
But they follow their own evil paths
and their own crooked schemes.
All day long they insult me to my face
by worshiping idols in their sacred gardens.
They burn incense on pagan altars.
At night they go out among the graves,
worshiping the dead.
They eat the flesh of pigs
and make stews with other forbidden foods.
Yet they say to each other,
‘Don’t come too close or you will defile me!
I am holier than you!’
These people are a stench in my nostrils,
an acrid smell that never goes away.
This passage in Isaiah seems a bit hard to me ... but then not ... It is just my flesh balking - wanting an easy way out. It's my pride hurting because it wants to be right, but really what You are asking, Lord - is for total death. And I keep trying to cling to a little of my own way. Andrew Murray helps once again - reminding me that I must let go of ALL ... if I am going to have more of you - more presence - more life - true joy.
Children of God, we must go down deeper into the grave of Jesus. We must cultivate the sense of impotence, and dependence, and nothingness, until our souls walk before God every day in a deep and holy trembling. God keep us from being anything. God teach us to wait on Him, that He may work in us all He wrought in His Son, till Christ Jesus may live out His life in us! For this may God help us!
Christ had a perfect life, given by God. The Father said: “Will you give up that life to me? Will you part with it at my command?” And He parted with it, but God gave it back to Him in a second life ten thousand times more glorious than that earthly life. So God will do to every one of us who willingly consents to part with his life. - Andrew Murray - The Master's Indwelling
My Spirit ... the new heart - new creature in me WANTS this. But my flesh says - NOOOOO! I don't want to submit that much - I don't want to be that humbled - that thumbed down - that run . But the thing is there is no other way. Death must come - a total death.
Jesus I submit ... I don not want what my flesh wants anymore. I want You to come flooding in and take over - put me in the grave - empty me out, crush my evil desires, kill my flesh, put down my rebellion, suck away my pride. Remind me again just how small I am - and how much I need you to come in and do the things I can only dream of.
Lord, I know this idol of food is in the way. It is blocking your work in me. I have nothing to offer in this - even now I am starving and want to run to the fridge for lunch. You HAVE to come - YOU have to do something new in me! I don't like my wishy-washy back and forth divided mind anymore. Give me wisdom - give me insight, help me remember to pray before I eat every single time, help me submit to Your desires, help me to be grateful when you tell me what You allow. I CAN NOT do this ... YOU MUST. Free me from any opposing desire. Fill me with new desires - to be obedient, and thankful, and free.
Lord I confess now of my unbelief in your care, my unbelief in your desire to save me from this sin, my unbelief that victory is possible, that the victory that you have laid out can even be desirable to me. Lord, I confess my flat out disobedience in the last months, my overwhelming need to satisfy my flesh, letting my eyes lust after food, for satisfying the god of my stomach over You. Lord if the enemy has a foothold in this area - I cast him out in the name of Jesus ... free me to love and serve You and You alone in this area of my life. Lord, Jesus will you send the Holy Spirit to come and fill me up, to fill me with a new love for obedience, and a desire to honor you with every bite I take. Fill me with a hunger and thirst for You - a longing to be with you at your feet - serving You as You see fit.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
quiet
The Lord has been very quiet. I can not hear His voice. I cannot feel His presence.
Yet I can see Him sustaining me.
I am not filled with fear, or anxiety. I am not worrying over the crappy school my kids have to attend, or when the school I want them in, will be open. Or the many dinners and new people I have to meet. Or even all the new of finding doctors, new routine, or making friends. I feel like I am flowing in a stream and just going with it. It is a lot of change and normally I would be a mess of depression, but His hand is on me.
This past Monday marked a new era for me ... my kids are all in school ... my youngest is in kindergarten. So my days are free ... and since there is so much that is new, and soon we will be looking for a new house and have to move again - we decided that whatever work I am to do in the future will wait until we are more settled. BUT that leaves my days very free.
I feel like I want to use this time wisely and spend a lot of time in quiet. Spend it in prayer and listening. I don't know what the Lord has in store for me ... but I keep getting reminders from good friends who ARE hearing from the Lord that He has me ... and good things are coming!
Yet I can see Him sustaining me.
I am not filled with fear, or anxiety. I am not worrying over the crappy school my kids have to attend, or when the school I want them in, will be open. Or the many dinners and new people I have to meet. Or even all the new of finding doctors, new routine, or making friends. I feel like I am flowing in a stream and just going with it. It is a lot of change and normally I would be a mess of depression, but His hand is on me.
This past Monday marked a new era for me ... my kids are all in school ... my youngest is in kindergarten. So my days are free ... and since there is so much that is new, and soon we will be looking for a new house and have to move again - we decided that whatever work I am to do in the future will wait until we are more settled. BUT that leaves my days very free.
I feel like I want to use this time wisely and spend a lot of time in quiet. Spend it in prayer and listening. I don't know what the Lord has in store for me ... but I keep getting reminders from good friends who ARE hearing from the Lord that He has me ... and good things are coming!
Monday, August 12, 2013
Niagara River
I had a dream the other morning ... while I was praying - because many mornings lately when I wake to pray I fall back to sleep and wake up, and fall asleep again ... Its a whole thing - anyway ...
My dream was of me racing down the Niagara River heading toward the Niagara Falls ... I had fallen in and couldn't get out and now I am about to go over! The fear was so big - so scary I woke up startled to remember my dream.
And I realized as I reflected on my dream that the only way I was going to get out of that crazy current was to be rescued. I need to be RESCUED. Plucked out of the water by some massive hand and put back on land - nothing else would do. When you are heading for the Falls - what else could save you?
This was such a picture of temptation for me ... me and food - my ultimate temptation (right now - but it also has been a life long struggle). I am heading for the falls each day in a rush of current and waves and the only thing that can save me is the hand of God plucking me out of my mess and setting me on a new path.
Food is such an idol in my life. I don't want it to be, but it is still here. There are days I wish I could just stop eating and walk away from food altogether ... but that is not possible unless I want a whole new set of issues.
So I plead and confess my sin again asking for rescue. Jesus there is nothing else that will do! Please come and save me from myself! I don't know what else to pray anymore - I need YOU! I know this is in the way! I know I am supposed to pray and seek you before I eat anything and I just can't remember - no matter how many times I start over - I still have to start again! When will there be change? Jesus this is an idol I just don't want, but it feels like a rock chained to my neck - please help! Please show up!
My dream was of me racing down the Niagara River heading toward the Niagara Falls ... I had fallen in and couldn't get out and now I am about to go over! The fear was so big - so scary I woke up startled to remember my dream.
And I realized as I reflected on my dream that the only way I was going to get out of that crazy current was to be rescued. I need to be RESCUED. Plucked out of the water by some massive hand and put back on land - nothing else would do. When you are heading for the Falls - what else could save you?
This was such a picture of temptation for me ... me and food - my ultimate temptation (right now - but it also has been a life long struggle). I am heading for the falls each day in a rush of current and waves and the only thing that can save me is the hand of God plucking me out of my mess and setting me on a new path.
Food is such an idol in my life. I don't want it to be, but it is still here. There are days I wish I could just stop eating and walk away from food altogether ... but that is not possible unless I want a whole new set of issues.
So I plead and confess my sin again asking for rescue. Jesus there is nothing else that will do! Please come and save me from myself! I don't know what else to pray anymore - I need YOU! I know this is in the way! I know I am supposed to pray and seek you before I eat anything and I just can't remember - no matter how many times I start over - I still have to start again! When will there be change? Jesus this is an idol I just don't want, but it feels like a rock chained to my neck - please help! Please show up!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Restless legs
I have been praying about what my restless leg syndrome means. Like I have mentioned before from reading Andrew Murray's Divine Healing ... everything the Lord gives us - or allows to come into our life is for a purpose. So the restless legs that lead to nights of insomnia on bad nights, and crazy flying all over with the covers on the better nights ... has to be for something - just what is it Lord?
As I was praying about it recently and getting up at night to try and walk out a bit of the leg crazies ... the Lord tied together my restless legs with a dream a friend had about me. Here is the gist of her dream:
You had just come back from a prophecy conference or something like that and you were so excited - glowing and beautiful. And you were especially excited about this new way of praying that you had learned. You wanted to show me, so you laid down on the floor and twisted your legs into a crazy but beautiful position. And it was clear that the strength in prayer came from your legs and this crazy beautiful position could not be achieved by human means.
I have no idea what the fullness of this all means but God specifically brought this to mind and said this dream and my restless legs go together somehow.
So I have been praying into that even more - wondering how it fits. Then one night earlier this week as I was struggling to remain asleep during a bought with my restless legs - I half awoke and recognized the time ... 1 am-ish again. I recognized this is around the time I have been waking regularly and I wondered if that time was important... I still don't know... but I wonder if something is happening somewhere around the world at that time that needs prayer... BUT God DID tell me that time in the middle of the night is training me for something. I definitely heard that I am being trained. Hmmm but for what exactly? Still don't know.
Then last night I woke up again at 1 am-ish and this time I just started praying ... asking God what I am praying for? - what does all this mean? WELL, then I had some crazy dreams about being a rescuer and heard the phrase 'setting captives free'... and heard the word/phrase P.O.W. In one part of the dream that I can remember I was leading a rescue in broad daylight on a children's brothel in some asian country ... dressed in a geisha-like robe and I could tell I was full of the Spirit and unafraid of anyone getting in my way because they were too afraid of the Lord. Sooo crazy stuff - right?
When I awoke this morning, I remembered this verse that I read from Isaiah the night before and found it in 61: 1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
To all who mourn in Zion,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Still praying ... we will see what happens tonight.
As I was praying about it recently and getting up at night to try and walk out a bit of the leg crazies ... the Lord tied together my restless legs with a dream a friend had about me. Here is the gist of her dream:
You had just come back from a prophecy conference or something like that and you were so excited - glowing and beautiful. And you were especially excited about this new way of praying that you had learned. You wanted to show me, so you laid down on the floor and twisted your legs into a crazy but beautiful position. And it was clear that the strength in prayer came from your legs and this crazy beautiful position could not be achieved by human means.
I have no idea what the fullness of this all means but God specifically brought this to mind and said this dream and my restless legs go together somehow.
So I have been praying into that even more - wondering how it fits. Then one night earlier this week as I was struggling to remain asleep during a bought with my restless legs - I half awoke and recognized the time ... 1 am-ish again. I recognized this is around the time I have been waking regularly and I wondered if that time was important... I still don't know... but I wonder if something is happening somewhere around the world at that time that needs prayer... BUT God DID tell me that time in the middle of the night is training me for something. I definitely heard that I am being trained. Hmmm but for what exactly? Still don't know.
Then last night I woke up again at 1 am-ish and this time I just started praying ... asking God what I am praying for? - what does all this mean? WELL, then I had some crazy dreams about being a rescuer and heard the phrase 'setting captives free'... and heard the word/phrase P.O.W. In one part of the dream that I can remember I was leading a rescue in broad daylight on a children's brothel in some asian country ... dressed in a geisha-like robe and I could tell I was full of the Spirit and unafraid of anyone getting in my way because they were too afraid of the Lord. Sooo crazy stuff - right?
When I awoke this morning, I remembered this verse that I read from Isaiah the night before and found it in 61: 1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
To all who mourn in Zion,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Still praying ... we will see what happens tonight.
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