food hope

AHhhh… another diet. In the midst of this dark night I must also submit to a new diet plan.

Here's what's been happening is this area of my life… Every time I share what is happening with my life with people who really don't get it ( they are super well meaning and are praying for me ), they tell me I should go see a doctor. This of course is frustrating to me … because when it comes down to it I know this is spiritual and NOT medical. BUT, when I went to go visit my good friend in Alabama,  whose husband has been suffering with an unknown affliction for months, I thought it just couldn't hurt to know what is going on with me physically as I suffered spiritually. It boiled down to finally feeling released and encouraged by God to go and do it. I hate going to see the doctor … so many bad things have happened that I will not name here.

Anyhow, I prayed about who to go see and felt like it was good to go see this Doctor from our church. He prayed a prophecy over me last fall, we've had dinner with he and his wife, and I knew he was medical, holistic, and godly. I knew he would really listen to me.

So I went. And I told him I hate to go to the doctor and why … and then I listed out 20 things that hurt on my body. I couldn't believe when I made that list in advance! I literally live with at least 20 things that hurt every day!? It's crazy to me that I have been living like this for so long. He agreed that indeed I am living with a lot of pain and it shouldn't have to go on. After, the LONG list, he looked up and declared that I had fibromyalgia. Just like that. Wait, what? I said -- 'you can just declare that - just like that?' And he said that I had the classic presentation. Hmmm. OK.

Now I have to get all kinds of blood tests and go on special diets to clean out my gut and fix my immune system. I had a special blood test called the ALCAT to test for food sensitivities. Nothing significant came up there actually … but my blood work did. I had an insulin level of 30 … its supposed to be like a 5 or 6 … my doctor was very concerned and said it had to come down now. I am on a ton of supplements now and a few meds and I am on a barely calorie diet for the next month. 500-600 a day. I fast thru breakfast and eat lettuce/and or veggies and a tiny bit of meat for both lunch and dinner. The list of things I can eat is pretty dang minimal.

But at least I know why I am always hungry, and crave carbs non stop. Its the insulin level. My doctor said that essentially to MY body all starches, carbs, sugars etc … are like alien food. Its as if I went to Mars to try and eat. He told me I would more than likely never be able to eat much of them again. SAD  face here for no more cookies! My body over reacts to carbs/starches/sugars and sends out WAY too much insulin and that insulin then stores all the food away as fat for later (this is why I gain weight so dang easily). But my body then is malnourished and wants more food all the time because its not really getting any (this is why I am hungry ALL the dang time). And the easiest food to feed starving cells is …. you guessed it sugar (so this is WHY I crave carbs ALL the dang time!). Its a vicious cycle. The more I feed it what it says it wants - the less heathy I become. This is sin at its worst people!! Even our physical bodies are so steeped in sin that they don't know what the hell to do anymore!

So I have been on my diet for a week now and lost 8 pounds. I don't know my start weight … because I really want this to be about getting healthy. I know putting on smaller clothes and looking better will be an added benefit - but I'm trying not to focus on it.

I know the reason for all of this … is to prepare me and my body for what God is bringing next. I'm pretty sure that will be fasting intercession. What I will be praying for is less clear … But I am excited to do what God calls me to. I am excited to see how He will use me. And I am already excited to know that all that business of dealing with my shame last Fall was in part for this. To free me from the roots of this sins that helped me perpetuate this cycle of eating to please myself. Now when my Doctor told me I can't really ever have carbs again - aka Christmas cookies, Cheesecake etc etc … I didn't clench inward - thinking to myself - there is NO WAY. This time … it actually feels possible. Like God is making the way to be truly free.