standing at the edge

Last summer one of the things that the Lord taught me was about standing on the edge. I had a continual vision/image of myself standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon. But it wasn't good enough just to be near the edge - I had to be right at the edge, with my toes dangling over. Right on the brink of falling. If I stepped back to feel safe - I was in a place of self-protection, away from God - not trusting, not willing to let Him have me. But when I stepped closer to that almost going over the edge place and raised my hands to Him in worship teetering - He was there, so close - willing to sweep me up in His wind and take my feet off of the cliff and take me flying with Him.

This image is something I come back to again and again. Though its different now. I start thinking on the image and sometimes I can be right on the edge and other times I can only look on like an observer. Its the times that I feel like an observer that are the most frustrating. It's those moments when I know I really have some work to do before the Lord confessing, digging deeper, asking Him to reveal in me that which is harmful to our relationship.

Sometimes I feel like I am just a step away from the edge and I know that I have taken my eyes off of Him for too long and I need to bring my mind back to worship.

But there are also times that I am standing at the edge - ready - feeling open to Him, and yet I need to be content to wait. I can worship Him but He does not feel close - He wants me to wait. I don't always know what the waiting is for but I need to learn to be content with what He gives or does not give - and maybe that is all I need to know.

But then there are the times when He reveals Himself and I can feel His presence again - its not like it was last summer - so full and so safe - but it is what He has given me for now. And I will take it. And I will remember that the Lord is the one who fills me up - He knows what I need, when I need it. And I am learning to be content.