My question from my last post is ringing in my ears? - God how do I stop trying to 'help' you? What in me still needs to be confessed... you know what? - it doesn't even matter...
I can ask God to lead me to repentance - only He can anyway. I can ask God to reveal my sin - and He will. Only God can fill me with the Spirit - and He has promised He will. Because we/I absolutely can not walk this life without His Spirit. It is impossible for man - but possible for Him.
Andrew Murray's book, 'Absolute Surrender' - has put all in one place - tied together all the loose ends - the journey that the Lord has brought me on for the last 2 years. I am grateful for his obedience so many years ago.
Galatians 3:3
How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect in the flesh?
If I leave any room for the flesh - it will take over and I will fail. It has to be entirely the Lord working through me in the Spirit to be worth anything. He does not fail. And if I fail in the future - which I know I will! - I will know it is because I have given room for the flesh - and I need to humble myself before the Lord again - and let go of whatever I am trying to hold onto.
Any failure - any sin - is because we have chosen the flesh over the Spirit - there - simple. Yet so not - because we/I don't always know we are walking in the flesh. And we don't know what it is truly like to walk in the Spirit - regularly.
My 6 months - my amazing summer - was the only time I have ever walked in the Spirit continually. 6 months out of my whole life as a believer of 20 years. That is not to say God hasn't used me at times - despite myself - but really - wow!
I don't want to get hung up on regret though - I could get lost in there for days ... this is where I am - this is where God is taking me now ... I just need to let go and let Him do it.
So I will wait - wait for God to bring repentance and the Spirit. He will. In the mean time - I will worship!
Showing posts with label Holy Spirit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holy Spirit. Show all posts
Friday, March 2, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
the spirit
I have been learning about the Holy Spirit. I would have to say that I have always known He was supposed to be important but I didn't know exactly why. I knew He was supposed to live inside of me, and remind me of the Bible, and direct my movements. But He didn't seem to do much - He was quiet - too quiet, and He seemed to be like an under active conscience.
That is how He used to seem. No longer!
During my amazing summer - I got to re-meet Him. I had met Him originally when I had gotten saved - He was strong in me then and I let Him work. And then throughout the years He has shown up a few times - and I was always grateful. But He has never consistently led me - I never knew how to let Him - or even knew I needed Him.
During that summer I could hear Him - all the time. He led me to sing His praise, constantly. He helped my eyes to see things the way God does. He felt near - He was near.
And when God removed the filling of the Holy Spirit from me (not the indwelling - there is a difference!) - I began to ask this question - "God, don't you want all believers to walk like that - full of you?" His answer is Yes. That is exactly what He wants for us.
He wants us to live supernatural lives. He wants us to know His voice. He wants us to be led and directed by The Spirit. He wants us to shine like stars amongst a crooked generation. He wants us to worship and adore Him in our hearts always. He wants us to live out our lives in His power - casting off sin, the world, and the enemy - living our lives in His victory. And we need to be filled with the Holy Spirit - to live that kind of life. Otherwise we are living a defeated life ... the life I have been writing about in recent posts - bogged down in sin - scratching for help.
Essentially that is what this whole blog has been about to this point - how do I get the Spirit back? God what must I know, what must I learn - so I can walk with You like that again?
That is how He used to seem. No longer!
During my amazing summer - I got to re-meet Him. I had met Him originally when I had gotten saved - He was strong in me then and I let Him work. And then throughout the years He has shown up a few times - and I was always grateful. But He has never consistently led me - I never knew how to let Him - or even knew I needed Him.
During that summer I could hear Him - all the time. He led me to sing His praise, constantly. He helped my eyes to see things the way God does. He felt near - He was near.
And when God removed the filling of the Holy Spirit from me (not the indwelling - there is a difference!) - I began to ask this question - "God, don't you want all believers to walk like that - full of you?" His answer is Yes. That is exactly what He wants for us.
He wants us to live supernatural lives. He wants us to know His voice. He wants us to be led and directed by The Spirit. He wants us to shine like stars amongst a crooked generation. He wants us to worship and adore Him in our hearts always. He wants us to live out our lives in His power - casting off sin, the world, and the enemy - living our lives in His victory. And we need to be filled with the Holy Spirit - to live that kind of life. Otherwise we are living a defeated life ... the life I have been writing about in recent posts - bogged down in sin - scratching for help.
Essentially that is what this whole blog has been about to this point - how do I get the Spirit back? God what must I know, what must I learn - so I can walk with You like that again?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
patient
I am trying to be patient. I gotta say its going better than usual - I am not really a patient person.
I am waiting on God - to do something ... though I am not quite sure what that is. I have only had glimpses of what it might be. A spiritual renewal - in me, my family, and/or church. An unleashing of the Spirit. I can feel it building - His energy, His movements.
I have been praying for it. I have been led to be praying for God's Spirit to fill me, fill me and my church with His power to overcome - to live out His victory. I have been praying for more to pray - and I have been seeing that happen too.
I am trying to wait and think about the joy He will bring, the freedom, His presence. I am praying for us to be open, expectant and abandoned unto Him. It's exciting. I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.
I am waiting on God - to do something ... though I am not quite sure what that is. I have only had glimpses of what it might be. A spiritual renewal - in me, my family, and/or church. An unleashing of the Spirit. I can feel it building - His energy, His movements.
I have been praying for it. I have been led to be praying for God's Spirit to fill me, fill me and my church with His power to overcome - to live out His victory. I have been praying for more to pray - and I have been seeing that happen too.
I am trying to wait and think about the joy He will bring, the freedom, His presence. I am praying for us to be open, expectant and abandoned unto Him. It's exciting. I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
just mundane?
This morning I have been feeling burdened to be praying about a conversation I had last night:
I was with a group of friends and we were talking about what faith is and isn't. Someone asked what Christ followers are supposed to live like in light of Christ's return and an eternity in heaven. I started sharing about living abandoned to God - that willingness to give up, lay aside, sacrifice - whatever God asks - to live the kind of life He is calling us to. I said I have never known someone like that (I have read about them).
Then someone else said - What if God needs people just to plod along and do the mundane things? ... I don't disagree that the mundane needs to get done - I do it all the time around my home and in my life. But do I think that God has called us to be His followers - His disciples - His people - JUST to do the mundane - no I do not think that at all! I said as much ... Look at all the amazing people - regular people like the disciples who did amazing things with the gifts that God gave them. They were wide open submitted to Jesus, full of the Spirit... and they helped change the whole world forever. Why can't we be like that too! We need to exercise the faith we have been given! We need to start moving forward and begin making small sacrifices now - learning what its like - so that when Jesus asks us to make bigger ones we are ready.
Oh how I wanted to scream after last night - and all the apathy, indifference, questioning looks, and even a look of disdain - at the notion that maybe we aren't living as Christ has called us to. How lazy and weak and tired we all are! I know I have much more to learn and grow, sacrifice and do!
Father, rain down Your Spirit on us! Change us, open us, free us from ourselves! Oh change me God - I don't want to be this version of myself ever again - I want to be full of You! Full of love and grace - and I want to be a part of the amazing things You have planned - show me what to do!
Luke 9: 23-25
Then he (Jesus) said to the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?
Romans 12: 1-2
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
I was with a group of friends and we were talking about what faith is and isn't. Someone asked what Christ followers are supposed to live like in light of Christ's return and an eternity in heaven. I started sharing about living abandoned to God - that willingness to give up, lay aside, sacrifice - whatever God asks - to live the kind of life He is calling us to. I said I have never known someone like that (I have read about them).
Then someone else said - What if God needs people just to plod along and do the mundane things? ... I don't disagree that the mundane needs to get done - I do it all the time around my home and in my life. But do I think that God has called us to be His followers - His disciples - His people - JUST to do the mundane - no I do not think that at all! I said as much ... Look at all the amazing people - regular people like the disciples who did amazing things with the gifts that God gave them. They were wide open submitted to Jesus, full of the Spirit... and they helped change the whole world forever. Why can't we be like that too! We need to exercise the faith we have been given! We need to start moving forward and begin making small sacrifices now - learning what its like - so that when Jesus asks us to make bigger ones we are ready.
Oh how I wanted to scream after last night - and all the apathy, indifference, questioning looks, and even a look of disdain - at the notion that maybe we aren't living as Christ has called us to. How lazy and weak and tired we all are! I know I have much more to learn and grow, sacrifice and do!
Father, rain down Your Spirit on us! Change us, open us, free us from ourselves! Oh change me God - I don't want to be this version of myself ever again - I want to be full of You! Full of love and grace - and I want to be a part of the amazing things You have planned - show me what to do!
Luke 9: 23-25
Then he (Jesus) said to the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?
Romans 12: 1-2
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
dreams
I have had interesting dreams the last 2 nights. I can't remember my dream from the other night - I only remember that it lasted all night and each time I awoke and fell back to sleep I was in the same dream again. I really wish I wrote it down.
But my dream from last night was the same kind of thing - each time I awoke and fell back to sleep I was in the same dream. I was in some kind of institution and I was a teenager. I was with lots of other kids my age - and they all felt like friends - we were all on the same side - in it together. But they were all brainwashed or something like that and I wasn't. However, the people running the place didn't know that I wasn't brainwashed. We were all afraid, we all did what we were told, but all wanted to get away but couldn't.
I started writing to my Mom. But we weren't allowed to send mail, and even if I made it into town - 'they' were in on everything. So I was writing on scraps of paper, and old boxes - whatever I could find and writing in secret. I kept thinking that if I could just get it to my Mom, she would come and find me and rescue us.
At one point I got caught, my letters confiscated, and then I was drugged again. But even in my fog I was still plotting to get away, still trying to write my letters. A friend who also was immune to their brainwashing just up and walked out one night. She just decided to get out and did it.
I woke up still feeling trapped, still in a fog. I immediately asked the Lord if the dream was from Him and what it meant. I received some impressions. I have been reading a book, Experiencing The Spirit by Robert Heidler, and as I was reading it felt like I am missing out on so much of what the Lord has to offer. That trapped feeling is just that - I feel like I am missing something important and that I am waiting for help. My Mom in this dream is a spiritual mother. I have been praying for a long time for a mentor and the Lord has said 'no, not right now' in the past. But recently I have begun to pray again and I feel like I am just waiting for her to be revealed. I also have been feeling like someone - maybe her - is supposed to lay hands on me and pray for an unleashing of the Spirit in me. I also feel like all those friends with me are waiting too but do not know what they are waiting for. Don't know what they need or even want. I certainly didn't know until recently.
I want more of the Spirit, more presence, more power in my life to overcome sin, to see the Lord's amazing works here on earth. To see Him exalted and praised, to see Him displayed mightily in the church. To see many saved, to see healings, and miracles, and much much more of His glory! Holy Spirit Come!
But my dream from last night was the same kind of thing - each time I awoke and fell back to sleep I was in the same dream. I was in some kind of institution and I was a teenager. I was with lots of other kids my age - and they all felt like friends - we were all on the same side - in it together. But they were all brainwashed or something like that and I wasn't. However, the people running the place didn't know that I wasn't brainwashed. We were all afraid, we all did what we were told, but all wanted to get away but couldn't.
I started writing to my Mom. But we weren't allowed to send mail, and even if I made it into town - 'they' were in on everything. So I was writing on scraps of paper, and old boxes - whatever I could find and writing in secret. I kept thinking that if I could just get it to my Mom, she would come and find me and rescue us.
At one point I got caught, my letters confiscated, and then I was drugged again. But even in my fog I was still plotting to get away, still trying to write my letters. A friend who also was immune to their brainwashing just up and walked out one night. She just decided to get out and did it.
I woke up still feeling trapped, still in a fog. I immediately asked the Lord if the dream was from Him and what it meant. I received some impressions. I have been reading a book, Experiencing The Spirit by Robert Heidler, and as I was reading it felt like I am missing out on so much of what the Lord has to offer. That trapped feeling is just that - I feel like I am missing something important and that I am waiting for help. My Mom in this dream is a spiritual mother. I have been praying for a long time for a mentor and the Lord has said 'no, not right now' in the past. But recently I have begun to pray again and I feel like I am just waiting for her to be revealed. I also have been feeling like someone - maybe her - is supposed to lay hands on me and pray for an unleashing of the Spirit in me. I also feel like all those friends with me are waiting too but do not know what they are waiting for. Don't know what they need or even want. I certainly didn't know until recently.
I want more of the Spirit, more presence, more power in my life to overcome sin, to see the Lord's amazing works here on earth. To see Him exalted and praised, to see Him displayed mightily in the church. To see many saved, to see healings, and miracles, and much much more of His glory! Holy Spirit Come!
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