senses

I've actually been pretty happy lately. The days of numbness and shame are far behind, the white room and its blankness feel distant. The earth shattering desperation and ache are gone too. I feel kinda happy go lucky. I feel like The Lord has given me a breath... to freshen my soul... yet He is still quiet. Clearly, whatever He is up to in me is not yet done.

As I think back to my last Soul Care retreat ... and the spiritual direction I received ... I have been feeling a bit stuck, unsure where to go next. As I sat that day and explored how my body experiences life thru my 5 senses my heart rejoiced and felt released to worship... but now since I have been home that experience -- though I know it can't duplicated just seems to be out of reach. I tried to think through some other facet of myself like my mothering. I woke up one morning trying to figure out what about my mothering worships God ... but I hit that wall of shame... and though I fought against it ... could not get past it to contemplate anything worthwhile and life giving. It's like when I first began thinking about how my body worships while in Colorado, it went totally sideways. I ended up making a horrible list of all the ways I hate the way I look, and I had to pray for God to redirect my thoughts and give me a new idea. Maybe I wasn't quite ready to dig into mothering thoughts ... maybe I'm not done with my body yet either ... its funny but I've read a couple things where the 5 senses was mentioned and I feel like I'm supposed to keep exploring that, but when I have gone back to my list it doesn't feel quite right ... like I was supposed to shift and do something different with them but nothing occurred to me at the time.
Then the other day and idea popped into my head ... I'm going to guess it was the Holy Spirit but it could have been my idea -- is there a difference when He and I are meant to be one? not sure on that theological question -- anyway, I'm wondering if perhaps I am supposed to make a spiritual discipline up of exploring my 5 senses more fully and how they each have a role to play in how I/we worship. It makes me think back to one of the first women's retreats at my last church. Someone else was speaking but had asked me to make up a booklet for personal alone time. The idea was to send everyone out with some scripture and make it a full sensory experience. The 5 senses are what called out to me and I sought scripture for each one ... and put it into a journal. Perhaps I need to hunt that down again and see if the Lord is up to anything thru it.

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good... psalm 34
My soul thirsts for the Living God... psalm 42
My soul will be satisfied as with rich food... psalm 63
For your steadfast love is before my eyes ... psalm 26
To You I lift my eyes my eyes, O You who are enthroned in the heavens! ...psalm 123
Let me hear joy and gladness ... psalm 51
Let me hear what God the Lord will speak His people, for He will speak peace ... psalm 85
I cry aloud to God, aloud to God and He will hear me ... psalm 77

I can't find anything off hand for smell and touch ... Ill have to keep searching!