Remember a post from way back in January (actually it is only a few posts ago because I didn't write all through the Spring) ... about my neck and feet ... Well God has revealed to me what that meant! Last week was full of crazy stuff from the Lord some of which I will be able to share here - and some not. The neck and feet thing came after a revelation about the vulture 'omen' I had 2 years ago. I know I posted about it - so feel free to dig around and find it if you are curious. Anyway, the Lord revealed who the vulture is and what it all meant... which I can not reveal here. But what I can say is that the Lord provided a warning and then some very specific actions to take so that I and others could see the Lord at work revealing something unseen. There is still much to be confirmed but everything with the Lord takes waiting on Him ... so that is what we do now ... wait.
But the neck and feet thing ... came from a desire to understand the Lord's discipline in these 2 areas. I read Andrew Murray's Divine Healing some time last year and began to realize that all that we experience - whether good or bad - sick or healthy - is for a purpose. So I began to wonder what purpose my constant neck pain had. And then my feet began to cause me serious pain and I had to stop working out - why God? When you know this is an area I struggle in already would you make it harder to work out? So I began to pray into that - I began to study verses in scripture about my neck and feet. The Lord brought to my mind an older way the Bible describes stubborn which is 'stiff-necked'.... hmmm. So I am stubborn? - yes I realize that I am... but in what way am I stubborn? I didn't know ... until now.
God just brought all of this stuff flooding into my mind and said that ... my stiff neck is shown in my desire to stubbornly try to figure out my sin block - on my own is the key here - and thus become too self focused, too inward and this causes what Piper calls reverse pride. Generally pride is thought of as being puffed up and arrogant, making yourself seem bigger than you are. But really pride is a form of self-absorption - thinking I can do whatever I need, for myself. Whether that be outwardly - pushing yourself out toward the world to get it by seeming more important than you are - or inwardly pushing yourself to roominate too much on self to find your answers. For some reason the latter is my tendency - it is my natural fleshly way. I just have to be able to wrap my brain around the 'why' of my sin before I can trust God to just take care of it, and reveal the 'why' of it to me.
And then the feet ... He said my feet always want to walk ahead of Him ... taking the lead - going where He has not led ... and it stems from this need of mine to stubbornly figure out and fix my sin on my own.
Both are obviously wrong, both are obviously not what I want... but how to change? Ahh... the great work of confession saves the day again! What a great thing we have from Jesus to be able to walk into the light and confess our sin and trade it in for the good stuff. We can boldly approach the throne of grace and ask God for the things we need! Praise Jesus for the great exchange!
Father God, I confess that I am full of pride, thinking I can figure out my own deceitful heart and fix it on my own. How wrong I am! I also confess my desire to run ahead of where you are leading ... what a dangerous place to be when I choose not to wait on You and Your timing! Please forgive my sin - wipe it away as far as the east is from the west and fill me instead with humility and patience. Help me to wait on you for the 'why', help me to let you reveal my heart. Help me to know that You are the one who will keep me from falling in this area again and to keep my eyes fully fixed on You.
God just brought all of this stuff flooding into my mind and said that ... my stiff neck is shown in my desire to stubbornly try to figure out my sin block - on my own is the key here - and thus become too self focused, too inward and this causes what Piper calls reverse pride. Generally pride is thought of as being puffed up and arrogant, making yourself seem bigger than you are. But really pride is a form of self-absorption - thinking I can do whatever I need, for myself. Whether that be outwardly - pushing yourself out toward the world to get it by seeming more important than you are - or inwardly pushing yourself to roominate too much on self to find your answers. For some reason the latter is my tendency - it is my natural fleshly way. I just have to be able to wrap my brain around the 'why' of my sin before I can trust God to just take care of it, and reveal the 'why' of it to me.
And then the feet ... He said my feet always want to walk ahead of Him ... taking the lead - going where He has not led ... and it stems from this need of mine to stubbornly figure out and fix my sin on my own.
Both are obviously wrong, both are obviously not what I want... but how to change? Ahh... the great work of confession saves the day again! What a great thing we have from Jesus to be able to walk into the light and confess our sin and trade it in for the good stuff. We can boldly approach the throne of grace and ask God for the things we need! Praise Jesus for the great exchange!
Father God, I confess that I am full of pride, thinking I can figure out my own deceitful heart and fix it on my own. How wrong I am! I also confess my desire to run ahead of where you are leading ... what a dangerous place to be when I choose not to wait on You and Your timing! Please forgive my sin - wipe it away as far as the east is from the west and fill me instead with humility and patience. Help me to wait on you for the 'why', help me to let you reveal my heart. Help me to know that You are the one who will keep me from falling in this area again and to keep my eyes fully fixed on You.
Now if I only knew what the restless legs are for!
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