Up In the Mountains

People keep asking me if Colorado and our retreat were restful? relaxing? I grit my teeth and say, 'those are not quite the words I would use. How about hard and good, really hard - really good, and challenging - really challenging.' Those are the words I would choose.

Certainly when you are in the middle of nowhere up in the mountains it's quiet and serene. The scenery was beautiful. There were deer literally frolicking outside of our cabin. While a giant black squirrel with tufted ears was foraging for something to eat, birds I've never seen before were flocking to the feeder. There was snow on the ground, and yet it was surprisingly warm at 9000 ft about sea level - a balmy 50 degrees most of the time that we were there. So yes, it WAS restful, even though many nights I barely slept. Apparently this was a result of altitude sickness, with a 2 hour time change, and lots of thoughts waiting to jump out of my head as soon as I cracked my eyes open.

These thoughts were as a result of spending 3 hours a day for 5 days that week talking and receiving from our Soul Care providers. I'll call them S and G for the sake of ease here. They are the couple that started this ministry of soul care a bunch of years ago. They are about 20 years our senior … so it was nice having older, spiritually mature eyes looking in our lives. That's also what makes it challenging though … THEY ACTUALLY SEE STUFF. Like I said, - hard, good, challenging, - this would be no stroll down memory lane.

We told our stories. My husband is fairly easy… great family, only a few moments of regret, and a strong calling from God. In fact his story is so straight forward that most people want to dig up crap where there is none to dig up. S and G asked all the questions to probe in that area but truly there is no crap - especially no true daddy issues. My husband and I often say that he came into our marriage with a shaving bag's worth of baggage, and that I came in with trunks, and suitcases, and hat boxes - piles and piles of luggage. So when I told my story - S and G had lots of crap to poke and prod at. It was exhausting to tell our stories, yet that was the easiest part. S and G said to my husband that he has lived a charmed or blessed life. There has been no pain, no agony, no hell. Which is true, he has really lived a protected life - protected in that no real horror has entered in - and as a result, he is a very steady, even-tempered guy who can get things done. I on the other hand am a mess of emotion and trials and crap. Words like surviver, roller coaster, and pain, were handed to me after listening to my story. I have a whole host of daddy issues, mommy issues and every other kind of issues. And that was all just the beginning. They also gave us books to read or questions to think about… so each evening was spent cozy in our cabin with beef strew, some homework to think on, and eventually we would stumble into a movie at night out of pure mental exhaustion.

I can't forget however, about the prayer trail. All over their property are benches guided by a book, to sit and ponder different aspects of our spiritual life. Some spots point you toward the pond, while others have you climbing a hill toward vast mountain views. Each one though has you thinking through what you see, hear, and feel as you walk, sit, and pray, and then ask questions of you based what you are experiencing. So we each spent some time out on the trail -- picking the spots that spoke to us and spending some time listening and praying.

The week moved painfully slow at times and others made you feel like grabbing at the minutes to get them back -- so you could remember things - hold onto them better. It was exhausting and restful, painful and beautiful. Hard and good all at the same time. I have so much more to say … so more posts to come.