God please

I feel as though I can write the last post all over again.

Nothing much has changed. I still feel stuck. I still can not absorb the Word. I still feel like my prayers are a vapor. I still feel numb and lifeless. I still do not know how to spend my days, my minutes, my thoughts. I feel as if I am watching my life … and when God does seem to direct its hard to know and see … it feels like I'm being herded rather then held by the hand with a guide.

I don't know how much more I can take … the post I wrote about God's smile seems so distant …

I keep begging God to give me something - anything to help…

I am worn out …

I hate feeling this way… like life is sucking away and I am not really  -- anything.

I can't love Him well. I can't love my family well. I feel useless in ministry and friendships.

I even hate writing this again. Truly I am sick of the same complaint … sharing the same lackluster story, the same 'eh' when people ask how I am. I hate it all.

God please…