His Smile

The best part of the Mike Bickle Song of Solomon series has got be learning about how much we are loved.
WE ARE LOVED. passionately. wholly. pursued. ravished. cherished.

I believe this REVELATION will completely - TOTALLY - alter me from here on out.

Here is what I mean …

I have always known that I am loved by God. That is what led me into salvation … Jesus dying on the cross for me has been a constant. Overcoming my sin and crappy, pathetic messed up life, with His death, however, didn't ever seem like a good trade for Him - but He was willing somehow - so I said 'yes'. I took the gift of salvation and claimed it, and figured I would figure out how it all fit together.

Over time I faltered in understanding this at different moments … but would always come back to it … and rest in it… but eventually only to a degree. There was always something more that I wanted - this didn't feel like intimacy but more like a transaction - I would gain eternity and a relationship with God and somehow God would get more glory … its the somehow I struggled with. Because He got me in the trade… and I was supposed to give Him more and more glory as more and more sin shed from my life. The only problem was that I was always doing the same sinful things -- like all the time. So how could He get His glory from me? So I always pictured God with a frowny face. :(   He was always disappointed - always expecting more. He was always expecting me to be more than I was/am. And then I never felt any intimacy because I knew that when we sin - fellowship is broken - intimacy is lost - I've screwed up giving Him glory and so there was no glory to be had. I was just a continual screw up.

Then I started learning about my identity in Christ… who I am because of what Jesus did. It's all right there in scripture … God doesn't see me and my sin - He sees Jesus and His perfection. Because I am in Christ I am somehow new - I am made clean - the old is gone the new is come!
I am new! I am clean because of what Christ has done!
God could finally now smile on me and call me His CHILD - I am a sister to Jesus. And I began to feel and understand what it means to be loved like a daughter. This brought some more of the intimacy that I craved. God even sealed this time with the amazing inflow of His presence and poured out a very tangible sense of His love on me. Nothing has ever been the same since then.

Then He removed His tangible love and presence, and I swung back into my old ways of thinking at first. I doubted God and His goodness. I doubted His character and His word. So God took me on a journey of faith. I learned that He does NOT lie. He is who He says He is. That He can be trusted, that His love for His children is real. That if I confess all my crap and walk into the light - I can exchange my crap for healing, peace, and a larger measure of the Holy Spirit from Him … and He gets more glory…. because now there is ACTUALLY less sin in me. That finally seemed like a good trade for Him because now I finally was beginning to 'get' it. As my mind awakened to who I am already in Christ and I then was able to glorify Him with a life more fully lived unto Him.

BUT then it changed again … since I have been in this time of silence … I have learned more real, breath-taking desire for Him. I have never wanted anything more than to be near to Him again … and my desire for intimacy with Him has grown even deeper and stronger. I just want Him. I want His glory to shine more beautifully. I want to know His mind, and His heart, I want to live more openly with Him, I want to serve with more risk. At first I think I just wanted to feel better … but that quickly changed…. and desperation for HIM came in its place. I don't know where that change took place, but it did. But I want an even deeper intimacy now … the old ways of being with Jesus no longer seem to work … but new ones have yet to appear … but I will keep on waiting until I can take hold of Him again….

That's where this Song of Solomon series comes in … Its all about coming to understand how deeply - passionately we are pursued by Jesus as His BRIDE. This is HUGE! Because this is the kind of intimacy we all crave - deep - fulfilling - God glorifying - crazy passionate love. This is where we learn that we are pursued … not just because we are pathetic creatures that need help and fixing - like a toddler that makes a mess all the time. But as a cherished one who will walk beside Jesus in heaven … head held high knowing we are His CHOSEN ones. Knowing that we ravish His heart, knowing that He sees us as beautiful, and lovely, and worth knowing! He crawled into human skin not just to fix what had gone wrong in the garden so long ago … but to free HIS BRIDE from slavery. To teach His Bride how to be free in His love and to love others. But mostly so we can LOVE Him. That is the first commandment … to love HIM. He wants our hearts to adore Him just like He adores us. He wants us free from sin … not just to right a wrong, but because He wants a companion to love and share all of creation with.

He is our Prize - Jesus is a prize worth truly seeing - He is the Bridegroom King. BUT we also are HIS INHERITANCE. We are what He is coming back for … what He has playing out in all of history to get - His Bride - His jewel - His love - His PASSION.

WOW.

Don't you see how this changes EVERYTHING!????

Now as I see myself as the companion of His heart … the one He has pursued, chased after, and won… How can I not respond with my whole life in love given over to Him? My whole existence now makes so much more sense. My desires make more sense, my actions, my sins, my idols even - have all been in the pursuit of intimacy that I did not think was attainable. That's why so much frustration and shame and guilt and mess and shit exist in our lives.

BUT now I see that He wants me too. And my love is an echo of His. As my heart is overtaken with Him and even when I love Him with the smallest of my desires and my weak intentions … THIS is what gives Him glory and makes His heart glad. This is where our service comes from … This is a God with a smile on His face…. and who is receiving the glory and adoration He deserves!

You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;
    you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,
    with one jewel of your necklace.
10 How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!
    How much better is your love than wine,
    and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!
SOS 4: 9-10