As I read and prayed... I kept thinking, "Physicians numb their patients for merciful reasons." Yes, I know numbness many times is used as a way of coping, but I also know that when an anesthetic injection is deposited where our nerve is located, we're being protected from the intense pain that would otherwise rock our world! It's my experience that when all the feelings return after coming out from under Jesus' anesthesia that much of the reorienting and reformation of my emotions and desires came under the care of my Spiritual Therapist, the Holy Spirit, like that of a physical therapist. Healing addresses the place where spiritual surgery was performed and it addresses the recovery from the surgery, which includes how it affected my desires and emotions. Anesthetics can suppress a lot: naturally and supernaturally.
I was truly grateful for her words because most people just nod their heads sympathetically and have no clue what is happening to me and in me. She reminded me too, that this is the life of a prophet… being misunderstood. As much as I know that people want to understand and are seeking to know me… it does not change the simple fact that it is hard to continually live in this space.
The Lord did tell me before this numbness set in that the next thing He was going to do in me was reform my feelings. So now in this time of not feeling anything … It's nice to know what He is specifically up to in me.
Having a Spirit on spirit surgery is unlike anything I've ever gone through before … these 2 years of silence and now numbness have been painful and so confusing. But just like any surgery … if there is a promise of real healing on the other end, I am glad I am getting the work done. So at least during the numbness - healing is happening … and when my heart finally wakes up … I will once again be able to feel the Lord and understand - I HOPE! - at least some of what He has been up to inside me. And that will be truly glorious.
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