abiding?

Luke 15 … I love this passage but find it so elusive. I want so much to know what it means to abide. I mean I think I know, because I think I lived it during my 'Summer of Jesus'. And since then have done everything I know to get back to that place. Heck that's why I blog … so I can learn what it means to practice His presence - what it means to keep pressing into Him.

I want to be totally encapsulated by Him. I want to abide.

1“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

Abide means to live in a certain place. Synonyms are: inhabit, lodge, nest, perch, reside, room with, roost, stay.

Is it even possible? To inhabit Jesus - to reside in Him? How does one keep so fixed on Him? When sin is so abundant in us - so present - ever current. The only way is by supernatural gift. That was the only way I would ever experience something like that. My life up until that time demonstrated some devotion but would never be described as abiding. Until one day, I decided I wanted to give God more time. And in that time, He blessed me to overflowing and the overflow lasted for 6 months and even beyond. That was His gift to give, all I can do is beg now for the return of it.

But if abiding is not something I can do - then what is it? Because the above verses read as if it is something I must do - something I must maintain. 'If' is used in 3 verses and 'unless' in others … making the abiding conditional on me maintaining it. I have to abide, and bear fruit, and keep the Father's commands … or I am tossed away to be burned like a useless branch. That seems wrong to me…

All I did in those 6 months was open myself up to more of Jesus. I wanted more … does just wanting more count? Because I want it now and I feel pretty dang wide open. If I am just a branch - a pipeline - between root and fruit - then my only job is to stay open. What does openness look like? Belief? Reading the word? Praying? Obedience? Drudging along even when life feels pointless and hard? I've done all of that - not perfectly - but I've done it.

Abiding has to be more about our oneness with Christ than it does with me 'doing' something. Verse 16 says this: You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.
He chose, He appointed, He makes the fruit abide. It is His work … we participate in it… by being the branch - that pipe between root and fruit.

I keep thinking about our oneness with Jesus. That has been done. It is declared that we are 'In Christ' in countless verses. This was His work - a result of His incarnation and His work on the cross on our behalf. When He took on human skin He took on all of Adams tests and passed them all. He lived a perfect life with in that human skin. He pleased God. He crushed satan in the dessert, in the garden, and at the cross and especially in the resurrection. He broke free from temptation sin, hell and death. His perfection paid fro all of our sin and that perfection also transfers to us. The how of that I don't know if I can articulate that yet - but its true - his righteousness is stamped onto us. It is on us - because we are at one with Him - we are hidden within Him.

This - to me - says that regardless of whether we feel it or not - we are always abiding with Him. We can not pull ourselves away - we are connected eternally. So then the abiding that is spoken of here is just that - a maintenance of that which we already HAVE. Our part is as simple as staying open - the participating in - presenting ourselves to Him daily saying - 'use me as you see fit.'

I guess my problem is … I want it to be accompanied with something that feels like intimacy and connection. I want the joy that is supposed to come with it. I want to feel the love I am living in. The question is … am I really open? Or why can't I feel those things if I am?