dry

I can't even say I am frustrated anymore. Trying to stay open and expectant ... and then just NOT receiving anything... just seems the norm. It's monotonous. As I think of it now - I just want to cry... but each time I try - nothing comes.

I woke up this morning just asking God to DO SOMETHING! I'll take whatever. Revelation of HIs Word, revelation imparted to my spirit, a whisper, a trail to follow, a thought, a sense - ANYTHING. Yet nothing comes.

Why does He continue to keep my soul closed off to Him?

I even ask for understanding of sin, understanding about what the Screaming One guards... EVEN though it will hurt like crazy ... I JUST DON"T CARE! I am tired of being stuck!!!

I read His word and it is still so flat. It is a distant voice. I read Song Of Solomon this morning as I woke up ... and still - nothing. It's a book filled with passion yet it does not touch me.

Seriously stuck.

The life of Fall has resumed and I have started homeschooling again. I am longing to show my kids passion for God and His word ... but there is none in me right now. I only have old passions to live off of ... and they are DRY. What is the purpose in homeschooling if not to impart passion for Jesus? So why?

I have begun a fast dedicated to the Lord ... I began the same day as homeschooling. For 40 days. Each day at lunch I have dedicated the time to pray, read, and be with the Lord ... and that too is dry.

I have done everything I can do. I continue to draw near. He must be near too ... because that's what His Word says ... yet He will not let me know it. How dry must I be before He will water me?

Water me please.