terraforming

As I was praying over this passage from Isaiah 41:17-20 that I quoted in my last post:

When the poor and needy seek water,  
    and there is none,
    and their tongue is parched with thirst,
I the Lord will answer them;
    I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
I will open rivers on the bare heights,
    and fountains in the midst of the valleys.
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
    and the dry land springs of water.
I will put in the wilderness the cedar,
    the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive.
I will set in the desert the cypress,
    the plane and the pine together,
that they may see and know,
    may consider and understand together,
that the hand of the Lord has done this,
    the Holy One of Israel has created it.

I heard the Lord place in my mind this word : terraforming.

This word is not foreign to me because I love science fiction. love it. Terraforming is all over the place because it means - to transform an inhospitable environment to one that is hospitable. So of course aliens are always trying to do this to new worlds in the movies … so they can take over a planet and reside there. So as soon as the Lord put this word in my mind … I could instantly picture something like 20 images in my mind. In the movies, it's usually a violent act involving a massive devise that towers over the planet in destructive force. It never seems to move quiet and slowly - it's never a barely noticeable event. It is earth SHAKING - it is earth RESHAPING. Everything gets torn up and remade. EVERYTHING.

As the Lord spoke this word into my mind … I realized that the verses above speak of the Lord terraforming the landscape for His people … making it hospitable - making it flow with beauty and life and fullness. 

This is an act not just for the landscape but for my heart … for everyones heart.

I believe God has loosed something in the heavens this week. I have heard stories from all corners of life about changes that are happening in believers. Some are good - some seem bad for now. But God is on the move - changing the landscape. He is getting ready to do a new thing altogether. It's BIG. Get ready. The terraforming has begun.

ready

God is pretty dang cool.

A friend asked me to be praying for her last night because she was getting together with someone. I prayed for her but was soooo very expectant for good news. She texted me this morning with news beyond my expectations!!! I am so filled with joy for her. Truly my soul sang the chorus to All Creatures of Our God and King … Oooh praise Him, Ooooh praise Him, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

The reason it was so cool was because God gave me a prophecy about this very thing happening … and NOW it is happening!!! And He confirmed the prophecy in another friend … and then too, in this dear friend with the glorious news!! God is so amazing and good. He turned this mess of a story into something so crazy and full of redemption that it is truly unbelievable!

So I am rejoicing with my dear friend who has so opened her heart to God that God is now showering blessings down on her. Not because she has done anything to deserve it … but just because HIS LOVE is so big and awesome and this is what makes Him smile!!!

This encourages me so much … that waiting for the good that God brings - that ONLY He can bring … IS INDEED worth the wait!

As I continue to wait on God … now I am waiting with expectation. He gave a verse as I was crying out to Him again yesterday. A friend texted me while I was praying with a passage in Hosea let led me to a passage in Isaiah … both were promises from God - that He is at work, He is up to something new!

...I will answer the prayers of my people.
    I will take good care of them.
I will be like a green pine tree to them.
    All of the fruit they bear will come from me.”
If you are wise, you will realize
    that what I’ve said is true.
If you have understanding,
    you will know what it means.
The ways of the Lord are right.
    People who are right with God live the way he wants them to.
    But those who refuse to obey him trip and fall. Hosea 14:8-10

I asked what He could possibly mean by calling himself a 'green pine tree' … and my friend and I texted back and forth … I looked it up in the ESV and it said 'evergreen cypress' and then went to do a word search. My friend said that cypress trees grow in harsh climates … I speculated that evergreen referred to God's unchanging character and then I read this:

When the poor and needy seek water,
    and there is none,
    and their tongue is parched with thirst,
I the Lord will answer them;
    I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
I will open rivers on the bare heights,
    and fountains in the midst of the valleys.
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
    and the dry land springs of water.
I will put in the wilderness the cedar,
    the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive.
I will set in the desert the cypress,
    the plane and the pine together,
that they may see and know,
    may consider and understand together,
that the hand of the Lord has done this,
    the Holy One of Israel has created it. Isaiah 41:17-20

Can I just tell you how thirsty I am? My heart longs all day for the Lord to break down the wall that is keeping Him hidden from me. I want Him to come and pour over me, and over me, and over me. I long for Him. I want His nearness - I ache for it. This scripture passage answered my longing right in the middle of my prayer … GOD said HE would ANSWER. HE will NOT FORSAKE.

Praise Him - He is so good.

And all of this waiting will have been to see His Hand do something AMAZING … that only He can do. My friends answer to prophecy speaks not only to her … but to me… it was revealed NOW - not just for her … but for me too… in this time… to bolster me while I wait … to keep me expectant - ready to watch as the Lord does the incredible. And I will be ready!

I AM ready!!!

a word from the Lord

I went to church yesterday but to a service I don't usually attend. It was nice to see some people I know but don't usually see … it's funny how that is at a church with more than 1 service. There was an older couple there (and by older I mean older than me - not too many grey hairs there!) that my husband and I have had dinner with once a few months ago. Super awesome people from what I can tell. I hoped that after the service we would get to have a conversation … but what I received was way cooler!!

The husband pulled me aside … with his wife there… and spoke a prophecy to me that the Lord spoke to him during church. He said this…

I saw a picture of you … you were in a group of disciples walking with the Lord … and your normal role with Jesus has been to be a scout… Someone who goes ahead of the group, to find food, shelter and the right path. But I see the Lord calling you back to himself… He desires you not to go ahead for now, but to be with the group of disciples back with Jesus … to learn and grow with them … and to receive instruction and comfort from the Lord.

Super cool - right?!!

I can't say that I was thinking about what was next for me … but I also can't say that I haven't thought about it somewhat. It's hard not to when you have moved to a new place, and you just wonder why God brought YOU here … what does He have for ME to do?

As I look back over my year I can definitely see God pulling me back. There has been so much isolation, quiet … though not necessarily calm for me internally … circumstances have been good. I can see how God has even kept things quiet in regards to friendships … there have been some women I have tried to pursue in regards to mentoring and learning from them, and yet God has even kept those at bay. It has not been until recently that I felt I can attempt to get together with some of them again. So we'll see what happens…

Anyhow, I am super excited to hear that instruction and comfort and nearness to the Lord are coming my way… THAT is AWESOME news.

*Hey friends … I am going to refrain from putting 'post' in my newsfeed on FB just because it seems to be drawing too much attention - and that was never my intention. I usually write a couple times a week - so if you do follow along feel free to just check in. Comments are always appreciated too - I would love to hear what God is stirring in all of you.

bondservant

I am reading a Mike Bickle book, 'Passion for Jesus', and so far its been fine… quite a lot repeats from the other book of his I read '7 Longings of the Human Heart'. But the most recent chapter is a summary of Song of Solomon… I have been listening to Mike Bickle's teaching series through SOS but in the last couple weeks settling into homeschooling I haven't listened to one. So it was nice to get the overview again.

But I am struck by a section I read last night referring to SOS 5: 6-8. The maiden in the story has been left alone by her Love aka The Lord …

I opened to my beloved,
    but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
    I called him, but he gave no answer.

In Mike's book he says the maiden is put to the test. The withdrawal of His presence is to test her and it's not because she was disobedient BUT rather BECAUSE of her obedience and DESIRE for full maturity!!! Hmmmmm.

The next 2 paragraphs say this:

Does she serve God for the good feelings that she gets from His presence, or is she willing to be His without any conditions whatsoever? Jesus does not simply want to be a stepping-stone to better things. He is to be our magnificent obsession.

It is as if the Lord is saying, "Let me ask you, My bride: Am I only a source for your spiritual satisfaction, or am I the consuming reason for your very life? Am I a means to your end, or am I the very end goal of your life? Will you serve Me if there are no spiritual feelings? When My discernible presence is gone, will you still say, 'I am your loving bondservant'?"


Soooo if I had read that last year … I would have answered YES - YES you are!!! I want You and You only. But now, after living a year buried under dry, dry dirt … I am less convinced that I would be right.

I truly do want Jesus only … but what have I done in His absence the last year? I have been desperately fending off an addiction to food, and an addiction to distraction… aka TV (sometimes other forms). These 2 things speak so clearly of my need to constantly make myself happy. That Screaming One inside who seems never to be quiet unless I feed her with my addictions.

So is Jesus the source of my spiritual satisfaction … I would say resoundingly YES! BUT has He been the consuming reason for my very life? On the outside anybody would say yes! All my friends would say yes, people I minister to - would say yes. BUT when the Lord was 'absent' this past year where did I go looking for life … food, TV … things that made me happy in the moment. If God wasn't going to speak than I would wait on Him - YES … but half heartedly. I would give Him some time but in frustration with what seemed an unending silence - food and TV were always there to swoop in and distract when I felt spent. I was afraid to let the silence hurt me all the way through, so I would take a break from what seemed so hard, into something really familiar and easy.

So if I still had God's presence resting on me would I have seen this desperate hole in my life? Probably not. I knew these things were a struggle, even addiction - even idols in my life… but they seemed manageable. I knew that when God 'came back' he would help me conquer them … as I still believe… but I would not have seen the DEPTHS of the problem. It's not even the idols - though they are evil and a total pain in the ass - IT'S what they are COVERING that is the problem. The Screaming One is just the guardian of the problem that I am trying to feed continually with distraction. That shame, deep pain, that extreme self-hatred needs to be healed …. BUT I am still too busy feeding her. She needs to starve, she needs to scream louder, and I need to feel it.

I have given up a lot of food for these 40 days (don't worry folks I am still eating something!), but I have not given up TV. I had rationed my time down to just a small amount, but man, all day long I was looking forward to those few minutes. It has got to stop totally and it can … unlike food. (I considered a total 40 day fast from food but realized that many things in my life right now made that impossible … such as homeschooling). But if I am being honest, I do not want to hit the 'publish' button above because then I am ACCOUNTABLE to actually doing it. It's hard to let go of the thing that has been keeping you company all year… when there have been only a few new friends and soooo much quiet from the Lord. I have NO guarantee that the Lord will show up and BE present! And I have to let the Screaming One - scream! And I will have to look into that black hole - which will totally suck.

But I want Jesus more. Distraction be damned. Whatever you will, Lord, I am your loving bondservant.

dry

I can't even say I am frustrated anymore. Trying to stay open and expectant ... and then just NOT receiving anything... just seems the norm. It's monotonous. As I think of it now - I just want to cry... but each time I try - nothing comes.

I woke up this morning just asking God to DO SOMETHING! I'll take whatever. Revelation of HIs Word, revelation imparted to my spirit, a whisper, a trail to follow, a thought, a sense - ANYTHING. Yet nothing comes.

Why does He continue to keep my soul closed off to Him?

I even ask for understanding of sin, understanding about what the Screaming One guards... EVEN though it will hurt like crazy ... I JUST DON"T CARE! I am tired of being stuck!!!

I read His word and it is still so flat. It is a distant voice. I read Song Of Solomon this morning as I woke up ... and still - nothing. It's a book filled with passion yet it does not touch me.

Seriously stuck.

The life of Fall has resumed and I have started homeschooling again. I am longing to show my kids passion for God and His word ... but there is none in me right now. I only have old passions to live off of ... and they are DRY. What is the purpose in homeschooling if not to impart passion for Jesus? So why?

I have begun a fast dedicated to the Lord ... I began the same day as homeschooling. For 40 days. Each day at lunch I have dedicated the time to pray, read, and be with the Lord ... and that too is dry.

I have done everything I can do. I continue to draw near. He must be near too ... because that's what His Word says ... yet He will not let me know it. How dry must I be before He will water me?

Water me please.