all good

Ok so the 15 days of throwing out my fleece to God are done. THE house - the ONE - the only one I felt God speaking to me about is indeed gone/sold... not for me.

I like the house we are buying ... and in many ways it is nicer and will be easier to deal with. The only thing I didn't like is that I could not HEAR God's voice saying it was the ONE. To someone else that may not matter ... they may look at a house and asses whether it met their needs and decided based on likes and dislikes or price or location. That is totally fine. Certainly, I looked at all those things as well, BUT what I wanted most was to KNOW that it was what God had for us.

So what happened?

I think I did. I say I think because I am not 100% sure, but am pretty darn sure. Here's what I mean.

When THE house - not the one we are currently looking at - came back on the market we had an opportunity to get it by VERY special means. I can not go into the specifics but it was going to be a very cool story. One that glorified God and we could share with others about His unique ways of providing. I was excited about that. So excited in fact, that when my husband asked me to keep my mouth shut about it .... I DIDN'T. I am terrible at keeping a 'happy' secret. I was bursting with excitement and shared it with family and some friends. While I was sharing with the ONE person my husband was very specific about ... I KNEW I should not.... But I went ahead anyway, ignoring that nudge. And there was more than one of those nudges that I ignored.

I believe it was this lack of obedience to God, this lack of submission to my husband, that God removed the blessing He had prepared for me. What did I want more than anything else as I looked at homes? I wanted His voice to be clear... and it was only clear in ONE house.

Do I think God is punishing me? No, He still is providing a home for us. And it is a very nice home. BUT it lacked His voice... the peace I sought more than anything else. The assurance that we were pursuing His desires for us. The Lord is disciplining me, showing me how important it is to listen in everything ... even if it is my husband asking me to keep a 'happy' secret for a time.

So what's up with the house we ARE buying? I asked God to stop it if it was not what He wanted ... and He has not done that. I prayed that I would receive peace if we were to continue ... and each day I get more. Do I feel like I missed out on that other house? ... Yes. Not because one is better than the other, or anything like that ... but because I missed out on the assurance of His voice and the crazy story of His glory that would have resulted. Now I have this story instead. Regardless, His plan is best ... and perhaps the plan all along was to learn this lesson... and so I am at peace with it. I truly believe He can and will use us wherever He has us, and so I am excited to see what unfolds.