STAY OPEN

I went into church ... and really the whole morning feeling quite down and overwhelmed, on the brink of tears. The moving and being away from everything familiar is really, really hard... and I think it is finally catching up with me. I have had my moments before this for sure, but now it feels like I have hit a wall. The not being known and not really knowing anyone, has become quite loud and painful. And I know the only thing to truly heal any of that is to wait on God to unfold my new life and purpose as it is meant to unfold - OVER TIME.

BUT this morning I wanted to curl up in bed and definitely not go to church. I did not want to face the sea of people I don't know.... and instead stay in my apartment with what little I DO know ... my kids, my furniture. That sounds silly but this feels like all I have besides my husband and he was already at church!

I got up and went anyway realizing that my furniture really is not that comforting (it's nice and all but...). And I had a vague sense that the Lord was saying stay open, STAY OPEN. Again it's all so dull and vague from the Lord right now. I remember watching an episode of Star Trek Next Generation   when Counselor Troi lost her empathic ability ... and she described everyone as flat and lifeless. She had lost one of her senses and she felt lost, lonely, and afraid. I sort of feel the same ... I feel like I have lost one of my senses ... my spiritual sense, and now I am floundering around blind or deaf. It's awful. Especially now when life is already overwhelming.

Stay open! Don't curl up and hide ... run into it! Ugg ... are You kidding? ... then this verse came to mind...

Consider it all joy, when trials come. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. SO LET IT GROW, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1: 3-4

Fully developed
perfect
complete
needing nothing

These are all really good things! REALLY good things!

So breathe ... stay open ... let my broken heart flap out there in the wind ... and HE will show up and complete the work He has begun in me. Complete ... that sounds crazy good and worth the wait.