submission

Ahh ... the praying has begun.

Lord all week I have been avoiding you. Partly afraid that when I got here ... You would not show. And partly, my flesh just really didn't want to. My flesh would much rather eat chocolate, and ice cream, watch TV and play games on my phone much more than come and fully submit.

That's the real problem right, Lord? I just can't fully give up control of food to you. I know you have wanted me to come - Isaiah 65: 1-5 ... You have been ready for me ... I have not been ready for you. I am trying to have one last wallow in my filth before I let you clean me.


The Lord says,

“I was ready to respond, but no one asked for help.
    I was ready to be found, but no one was looking for me.
I said, ‘Here I am, here I am!’
    to a nation that did not call on my name.
All day long I opened my arms to a rebellious people.
    But they follow their own evil paths
    and their own crooked schemes.
All day long they insult me to my face
    by worshiping idols in their sacred gardens.
    They burn incense on pagan altars.
At night they go out among the graves,
    worshiping the dead.
They eat the flesh of pigs
    and make stews with other forbidden foods.
Yet they say to each other,
    ‘Don’t come too close or you will defile me!
    I am holier than you!’
These people are a stench in my nostrils,
    an acrid smell that never goes away.

 This passage in Isaiah seems a bit hard to me ... but then not ... It is just my flesh balking - wanting an easy way out. It's my pride hurting because it wants to be right, but really what You are asking, Lord - is for total death. And I keep trying to cling to a little of my own way. Andrew Murray helps once again - reminding me that I must let go of ALL ... if I am going to have more of you - more presence - more life - true joy.

Children of God, we must go down deeper into the grave of Jesus. We must cultivate the sense of impotence, and dependence, and nothingness, until our souls walk before God every day in a deep and holy trembling. God keep us from being anything. God teach us to wait on Him, that He may work in us all He wrought in His Son, till Christ Jesus may live out His life in us! For this may God help us!

Christ had a perfect life, given by God. The Father said: “Will you give up that life to me? Will you part with it at my command?” And He parted with it, but God gave it back to Him in a second life ten thousand times more glorious than that earthly life. So God will do to every one of us who willingly consents to part with his life.  - Andrew Murray - The Master's Indwelling


My Spirit ... the new heart - new creature in me WANTS this. But my flesh says - NOOOOO! I don't want to submit that much - I don't want to be that humbled - that thumbed down - that run . But the thing is there is no other way. Death must come - a total death.

Jesus I submit ... I don not want what my flesh wants anymore. I want You to come flooding in and take over - put me in the grave - empty me out, crush my evil desires, kill my flesh, put down my rebellion, suck away my pride. Remind me again just how small I am - and how much I need you to come in and do the things I can only dream of.

Lord, I know this idol of food is in the way. It is blocking your work in me. I have nothing to offer in this - even now I am starving and want to run to the fridge for lunch. You HAVE to come - YOU have to do something new in me! I don't like my wishy-washy back and forth divided mind anymore. Give me wisdom - give me insight, help me remember to pray before I eat every single time, help me submit to Your desires, help me to be grateful when you tell me what You allow. I CAN NOT do this ... YOU MUST. Free me from any opposing desire. Fill me with new desires - to be obedient, and thankful, and free.

Lord I confess now of my unbelief in your care, my unbelief in your desire to save me from this sin, my unbelief that victory is possible, that the victory that you have laid out can even be desirable to me. Lord, I confess my flat out disobedience in the last months, my overwhelming need to satisfy my flesh, letting my eyes lust after food, for satisfying the god of my stomach over You. Lord if the enemy has a foothold in this area - I cast him out in the name of Jesus ... free me to love and serve You and You alone in this area of my life. Lord, Jesus will you send the Holy Spirit to come and fill me up, to fill me with a new love for obedience, and a desire to honor you with every bite I take. Fill me with a hunger and thirst for You - a longing to be with you at your feet - serving You as You see fit.