joy

So since the Women's retreat at the beginning of June, I felt the Lord bring to the forefront something that He had in the background of my attention in the midst of all of my busyness throughout the Spring - JOY.

I hadn't really realized that joy was a particular issue in my life ... but I just reread a few older posts from earlier in the year and I would say now - that is exactly what my problem is. My constant struggle to find rest, and peace, my head above the storms of life, my eyes fixed on the grand vision of Jesus is in fact all a quest for joy. But I didn't really get that until now.

All throughout the Spring The Lord was very present ... I felt Him near though in a way that says 'I am here' - even though you can't really experience me. So I kept wondering why when I really needed to give something away - a word from the Lord to someone in need - He was right there on my lips - speaking through my voice, but I couldn't ever feel Him. Why did it seem He was present for everyone else but for me? It didn't seem to make sense. I had a conversation with a friend one day outside my former house right before we left and she asked me why I thought that was. I honestly had no answer but when I reflected on a vision the Lord gave me in the fall last year of His love - His omnipresent love everywhere available to us if we would just be an open door that lets Him flow through ... I realized as I spoke it then that a door is not a receptacle, not a vessel for holding anything. If I am just a door and not a container - how can I be filled up with HIs presence? BUT the question is - why do I believe that? - my answer is still - 'I have no idea'.  

In the midst of all the revelations that God showed me last week... The Lord was also teaching me about joy. A couple of days after the vulture and neck and feet, He gave me some insight and of course everything is all tied together. The reverse pride - keeps me from just keeping my eyes on Jesus - (because they are focused on me) and thanking Him and praising Him for all that He has done - all that I KNOW He will do.

A few weeks ago I did a brief study on joy in Biblegateway. I read through all the verses that use the word joy in the Bible. I realized that in the Bible there were really only a few things that were spoken of in regards to joy ... festivals to the Lord - times to remember and be thankful, obedience brings joy, thankfulness, and God's presence brings joy as it says in Psalm 16:11,

    You will show me the way of life,

    granting me the joy of your presence

    and the pleasures of living with you forever.

As I read through all those verses nothing hit me in my heart as something God was highlighting - probably because I sort of already knew this... but this exercise spelled it out clearly. And honestly, I struggle with many of those things. All the gentle, soft, beautiful qualities that can occur naturally in some - just don't seem to occur naturally in me - if they come out, they all come out because of the Holy Spirit (that may be slightly harsh on myself - but generally I think true - I am just a really rough around the edges kinda gal). But anyway, it led to the next part....

So that whole neck and feet - revealing the pride and stubbornness - going ahead of God problem - -

allowed me to get in step with The Lord... and then He gave me this insight about joy - joy is in His presence and to be in His presence you need a PURE HEART. 

 So God gave me those 2 words but I wish I could remember what verse I started this out on, (perhaps in Isaiah which I have been reading?) but I didn't write it down when I first got the stream from the Lord. But then I remembered Matthew 5 and the Beatitudes 'Blessed are the pure in heart for THEY SHALL SEE GOD. Presence.  

Then Psalm 24: 3-6

Who may climb the mountain of the Lord?

    Who may stand in his holy place?

Only those whose hands and hearts are pure,

    who do not worship idols

    and never tell lies.

They will receive the Lord’s blessing

    and have a right relationship with God their savior.

Such people may seek you

    and worship in your presence, O God of Jacob. 

And a bunch of others I did write down as I started searching... Lev 9: 22-24, Psalm 16 :11, Ps 21:6, Ps 68:3-4, Ps 89:15-17, Acts 2:28, 1 Thess 3:9, Jude 24

JOY comes from a pure heart and hands ... holiness ... thats how you get into the presence of the Lord - and His presence IS JOY.... hmmm.... now ok I know I am not holy... feel like I already know that too - so what's next Lord? I keep pressing in ... but now I am TRYING to wait for His lead.