Philippians 1

Paul and Timothy are slaves for Christ.

A slave is not seen - is heard only when needed. A slave is a background doer. Their skin is needed - their body is needed for the doing. In Romans 6 - Paul says that we are slaves of whatever we choose to obey. If we obey sin - we are slaves to death. if we obey God - we become slaves to righteousness. It seems which is the obvious choice - the right choice... and yet I struggle so much to obey. I want to choose to obey God and yet I seem unable to - unable to make even the right choices that would lead to obedience.

The not being seen thing seems to be a theme. I remember a few years ago - You pointing this sin out in me God. That all the changes I wanted You to make in me - all the sin I wanted purged - was not so that your glory and light would be displayed in me - but so that I would shine and be beautiful. I wanted to steal your glory. I feel like You have grown me quite a lot in this area - but still I want to be seen and acknowledged. I want things I have said to be repeated and glorified ... even though I know they are from You - I want to claim them. I want people to see the work I have done and give me praise and thanks. How ugly that is. How small minded I am. What a thief I am.

I confess that sin Lord to You now. Of my pride, of my desire to steal Your glory even still. Of wanting to be seen - instead of You just putting my skin on to be used - instead - I want my skin to be glorified. Forgive me, Father. Cleanse me. I want to want all of the glory for You ... I want to want You to be High and lifted up - to be the SEEN ONE.

Is this why I am still having a problem of catching a vision of You? Am I still standing in the way wanting glory for myself ... how can I fix my eyes on You - if my eyes are still so fixed on me. Push me to the side! Free me from this ugly desire ... and help me to see Your glory - to see you so beyond imagining that I never again question my own need to be seen!

Paul oozes affection for the Philippian people ... gives thanks for them every time he thinks of them - He is filled with joy when he thinks of them. They have a special place in his heart, he loves them, and longs for them. He says this is all comes from the tender compassion of Jesus.

I do not have this kind of love for the people I minister to - my love is more for their holiness. I want to spur them on toward love and good deeds. I want their purity and passion to overflow. My pastor said in a sermon recently that that is the gifting of a prophet - that longing for purity... and I can see that in me. But isn't that Paul's need then to write 1 Cor 13 ... Paul saying what are all these great gifts if we do not have love - are not kind and patient. Am I impatient for them to change? I know I am impatient for me to change - I think I have more patience for them than for myself! I think if anything I am impatient for You to work, Lord. Sometimes your way seems so slow! But I also know that there is nothing I can do but wait on You and Your power to show up. Because I can do nothing.  And when I try something on my own it usually turns to a mess.

Paul prays in vs 9 for their love to overflow more and more ... Oh how I need that Lord!  Not just for others but for you. I am reminded of the picture of the fountain ... I feel like I read a verse recently like that I just keep picturing in spilling over the edges ... never stopping, it just keeps coming. How I long to be known like that! Do I want to be known as loving for me or You though? I am sure there is some sort of mix. How often I have said that I wish my flesh was sweeter/nicer so that I appeared more loving. So clearly there is some piece of me that longs to be loving all on my own - without You. I think mostly though that is so I stop hurting the people closest to me - like my kids and husband. But there is another part of me that wants them to see You Jesus. I hope that part has a hold of more of me than the first. I want my kids to be dazzled by Jesus -- want to see You as the best part of their life. To see how magnificent you are and to see that they can never truly be happy in this life without knowing and loving You.

I confess to You all parts of me that want to take something for myself Lord. What a thief I am! Forgive me! I see Paul in this passage saying how great it would be for him to stay on earth and keep working - because his life is necessary ... yet at the end of the passage he says that they will take even more pride in CHRIST because of what he is doing in Paul's life. Whatever Paul does - whether he lives or dies - he wants all to HONOR Christ. he doesn't ever seem to want to steal Jesus' glory. He wants Jesus to have it all. Jesus - I want to be like that! I want everything I do - whether I speak or remain silent, whether I go and do - or you call me to stay - whether I get credit or not - I want all for your glory. I want to be in the background - the slave that does your will and whose face shines with the light of Christ!

What deos this mean for me and obedience? What does this mean for the vision of Christ - high and lifted up - you told me to look for ... how does this all tie together?

Be focused on our status as citizens of heaven - our conduct worthy of the gospel of Jesus.  Stand side by side - fighting for the faith - of One mind - NOT intimidated by our enemy ... happy to trust in Christ and privleged to suffer for HIM.