stuck

I am stuck.

I know the truth. That I can't do anything in my flesh. That my flesh is broken and wicked and can do nothing to please God. And that anytime I exercise my flesh - I sin - against my husband, my kids, everyone! and especially Jesus. Because my flesh can only produce sin.

I know the truth of that. But I am stuck on the in between. I am in between knowing about my flesh - and knowing how to walk in the Spirit. I have to say it is a horrible place to live. I know my flesh is useless and horrible but I seem powerless to stop - yet scripture says that I am under no obligation to live according to the flesh.

I have cried out to God wondering about this. I have confessed to Him regularly in the last few months that I can't live to please Him - if I am living this way. So please come and take this body over and fill me with the power of the Spirit ... I can not obey, I can not love, I can not find rest, I have no peace, I can not fight the enemy, I can not do anything eternal without You. You have to come - You have to fill me with the power ... and You have said that You want this for me.

So fix your eyes on Jesus - the author and perfecter of your faith... Heb 12:2

I have learned the necessary piece that flesh is useless ... but I have not learned how to fix my eyes on Jesus. I know my need of it, but the power to do it in the Spirit, or the revelation that I need from God - or whatever God deems I need - has not been fully given yet.

And the waiting is hard - when you seem to be continually harming those around you, and obedience seems impossible. When all you want is to love people and to obey God. It is the cry of Paul in Romans chapter 7.

Oh God, please fill me with understanding! Please fill me with the Spirit! Please take my eyes off of myself and to fix them totally on Jesus - the Perfecter! The Faithful One... the One who deserves all my praise and thanks and glory! I know I can not do that without you making it happen - so please come and strip off anything in the way! Tear away the veil from my eyes!

Psalm 18: 30-36

God’s way is perfect.
    All the Lord’s promises prove true.
    He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
For who is God except the Lord?
    Who but our God is a solid rock?
God arms me with strength,
    and he makes my way perfect.
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
    enabling me to stand on mountain heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
    he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow.
You have given me your shield of victory.
    Your right hand supports me;
    your help has made me great.
You have made a wide path for my feet
    to keep them from slipping.