I woke up this morning ready to spend time with the Lord - really wanting to give the Lord time to work in me the answers to my burning desire to have the Spirit come and fill me with streams of living water. So I began praying and seeking as soon as I awoke. Not too soon after my husband came in, he said 'to cuddle' ... but I knew what that meant! I really did not want to have sex, but I try really hard not to say 'no' unless I really do not want to.
But let me back up a bit ... before my new spiritual journey began, my sex drive was pretty healthy ... and during my 'Summer with Jesus' ... it was quite good. But when the Lord removed His 'felt' presence I was so sad... that my sex drive completely fell off the map. In fact for quite some time - more than a year - when we fought it usually had to do with sex. Somewhere in there I begged the Lord to restore some of my drive just so my husband would not feel so rejected ... because even when I said yes - I was only barely participating, my body would not physically respond. The Lord was gracious and honored my prayer.
I had read a book a year or two before my Summer called 'When Two Become One' by Chris McCluskey. It is an excellent book. One of the greatest things I took away from that read was that sex is a reflection of our spiritual lives. As an example - there were times in my life when I would hide to get undressed - so my husband would not see me - and then therefore not desire sex. Or I would avoid eye contact and conversation on nights when it was more usually expected etc... And I realized that I was hiding. But then I realized that the times when I was hiding out from my husband - were usually the same times I was hiding out from the Lord as well. Hiding from the Lord takes on a different look however. I would watch lots of tv or get sucked into a novel to escape - I would cover up my thoughts with noise, and I would not listen and go to Him when He called. But recognizing that connection has been super helpful when I counsel ... and super helpful for me as well. (caution - my reflections are for me ... and not for everyone. Each person will show their area of sin differently!)
So going back to this morning... and being interrupted during prayer. I consented to have sex but but when I was done I felt the Lord was talking to me. I did not have an orgasm ... and the Lord was asking why. And felt that the answer was that I had not given myself over to it ... I was fighting the whole idea of sex from the beginning - feeling it was an interruption. To have that immense whole body experience - we have to give ourselves completely over to the pleasure of it.
It was that idea of giving ourselves over to pleasure that the Lord wanted me to know. That was why the 'interruption' needed to happen (among other reasons!). So then that set my mind aflame with the idea of pleasure and the Lord reminded me of Piper's verse Psalm 16: 11...
You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever.
So I am pursuing pleasure - real pleasure - the purest pleasure - knowing Jesus and being completely abandoned to Him. I want to give myself completely over to Him. And I continue in prayer asking God to reveal a vision of Himself so that my heart and mind, and body may come fully alive to worship Him.
***I cross referenced and came up with some other verses to reflect on - I do not know or understand all of their meaning... I am waiting on the Lord for that. Here they are if you would like to read them:
Psalm 36: 5- 9
Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the ocean depths.
You care for people and animals alike, O Lord.
How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
All humanity finds shelter
in the shadow of your wings.
You feed them from the abundance of your own house,
letting them drink from your river of delights.
For you are the fountain of life,
the light by which we see.
Psalm 21: 5-7
Your victory brings him great honor,
and you have clothed him with splendor and majesty.
You have endowed him with eternal blessings
and given him the joy of your presence.
For the king trusts in the Lord.
The unfailing love of the Most High will keep him from stumbling.
Psalm 17: 15
Because I am righteous, I will see you.
When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied.
1 John 3: 2-3
Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is. And all who have this eager expectation will keep themselves pure, just as he is pure.
1 Cor 13: 8-12
Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Eph 3: 14 - 21
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.
Hebrews 12: 18-29
You have not come to a physical mountain, to a place of flaming fire, darkness, gloom, and whirlwind, as the Israelites did at Mount Sinai. For they heard an awesome trumpet blast and a voice so terrible that they begged God to stop speaking. They staggered back under God’s command: “If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned to death.” Moses himself was so frightened at the sight that he said, “I am terrified and trembling.”
No, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to countless thousands of angels in a joyful gathering. You have come to the assembly of God’s firstborn children, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God himself, who is the judge over all things. You have come to the spirits of the righteous ones in heaven who have now been made perfect. You have come to Jesus, the one who mediates the new covenant between God and people, and to the sprinkled blood, which speaks of forgiveness instead of crying out for vengeance like the blood of Abel.
Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking. For if the people of Israel did not escape when they refused to listen to Moses, the earthly messenger, we will certainly not escape if we reject the One who speaks to us from heaven! When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.” This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain.
Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire.
Revelation 7: 17
For the Lamb on the throne
will be their Shepherd.
He will lead them to springs of life-giving water.
And God will wipe every tear from their eyes.”
No comments:
Post a Comment