freedom

I am getting ready for a fast. This Sunday I will be fasting, and then on Monday I will be Medifasting for the next few months. During Lent this past Spring I fasted and Medifasted, and hoped that through this act of discipline and dedicated time set aside for the Lord that He might heal me from my eating addiction. Instead, he healed me from my TV addiction instead!

All during that fast - I was feeling terribly oppressed and I used TV as a ready and easy escape. I was pursuing the Lord so much during that time - that it felt like it was OK to take a break and watch some TV. Yet, during the fast I felt the Lord asking me to give up my TV escape. But I asked in desperation to please continue till the end of Lent and He said 'that's OK'. Then at the end of Lent - I let go of TV and felt an actual release inside - something in me was finally free, as I spontaneously cried and was led into worship.

So to be honest, I am hoping for big things for this fast! I want to be free of my addiction! I want the Lord to heal me!

A friend just gave me a link to a blog where this woman was honestly sharing her thoughts on eating. One thing that she said that I wholeheartedly agree with is that we are meant to have times of fasting and times of feasting. Yes - that seems truly biblical. But, she also said that we as Americans have taken feasting to a whole new level.  I agree - this is where I fall into my problem. If I take a break to feast, then I never want to stop feasting. Everything tastes so good and fresh when you are on vacation or when it's summer, or at Christmastime. We should get to taste all those lovely flavors at different times of the year. But then I begin to think I deserve to continue eating like that all the time. And I stop listening to the Lord's voice on what I should eat and not eat - and start listening to my flesh.

As I was praying about this issue yesterday, and thinking through what healing will mean for me, the Lord brought something to mind. Way back in May I was leading a study on the Holy Spirit - I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but as I started to say something -- I knew the words coming from my mouth were not my own and were in fact for me as much as everyone else in the room ( It was the Spirit breaking in). I was sharing about my food addiction and saying 'What if The Lord really wants me to listen to His voice about every bite that I eat, what if He wants me to know His voice that well - especially while I eat? What if He desires that kind of obedience?'

I think He does want that kind of obedience from me. And so I am fasting again. Praying that as I do He will bring healing - not just break the bonds of my addiction but heal my body from all of my back pain. For some reason - I feel like the Lord is linking the two things together. Soon - I will get to see what happens! How I am longing for the freedom He will bring!