The other day I noticed that every time that I want to let go in my prayers and praise God that nothing comes into my mind. The last time that I noticed this (almost 2 years ago) the Lord pointed out my complete preoccupation with myself. I wanted - no demanded that God give me what I wanted now - and if He didn't I would go away pouting like a child. It was a Sunday morning before church lying in my bed ... wanting to praise and being completely devoid of anything to praise and thank Him for. Of course I could have just gone through some sort of vain list of blessings - my house, my family, etc... But in that time and in this one, I wanted my praise to be spontaneous and led by the Spirit - but there was nothing, I was blank, it was like a wall.
So I am left wondering if my problem is the same as it was before... or if there is something new that I need to be aware of and confess. I read this in the Valley of Vision last night before bed in the Colloquy On Rejoicing:
Remember, O My Soul,
It is thy duty and privilege to rejoice in God:
He requires it of thee for all his favours of grace.
Rejoice then in the Giver and his goodness,
Be happy in him, O my heart, and in nothing but God,
for whatever a man trusts in,
from that he expects happiness.
He who is the ground of thy faith
should be the substance of thy joy.
Whence then come heaviness and dejection,
when joy is sown in thee,
promised by the Father,
bestowed by the Son,
inwrought by the Holy Spirit,
thine by grace,
thy birthright in believing?
Art thou seeking to rejoice in thyself
from an evil motive of pride and self-reputation?
Thou hast nothing of thine own but sin,
nothing to move God to be gracious,
or to continue his grace towards thee.
If thou forget this thou wilt lose thy joy.
Art thou grieving under a sense of indwelling sin?
Let godly sorrow work repentance,
as the true spirit which the Lord blesses,
and which creates fullest joy;
Sorrow for self opens rejoicing in God,
Self-loathing draws down divine delights.
Hast thou sought joys in some creature comfort?
Look not below God for happiness;
fall not asleep in Delilah’s lap.
Let God be all in all to thee, and joy in the fountain that is always full.
What then am I trusting in that blocks all of my spirit's praise? What do I need to repent of Lord? What other comfort am I seeking outside of you?
Ephesians 5: 17- 20 Keeps popping in my head - though I am unclear just what the Lord is trying to say to me....
Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I did a word search at biblegateway.org on praise and asked the Lord to highlight things as I read through the list - here are the highlighted ones - things to pray over and ponder:
Psalm 30: 11,12
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!
Psalm 51: 15-17
Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.
You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
Psalm 57: 7,8
My heart is confident in you, O God;
my heart is confident.
No wonder I can sing your praises!
Wake up, my heart!
Wake up, O lyre and harp!
I will wake the dawn with my song.
Psalm 63: 3,5,11
Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
But the king will rejoice in God.
All who trust in him will praise him,
while liars will be silenced.
Psalm 64:10
The godly will rejoice in the Lord
and find shelter in him.
And those who do what is right
will praise him.
Isaiah 61:2,3
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Acts 2:25,26
I see that the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad,
and my tongue shouts his praises!
My body rests in hope.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
generational sin
I am attending a spiritual warfare class at a church nearby on Sunday afternoons for the next 8 weeks. I just began yesterday. The class is taught by some acquaintances of mine ... and I am looking forward to see how things are done. So far the whole thing seems very fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants but that also seems to be the way they are used to doing things - so far it doesn't bother me. The leaders are a husband and wife team who lead missions trips for adults, 6 months of the year, with YWAM. So they definitely fall into the charismatic side of Christianity - of which I do not come from, but am anxious to learn more about. Before they head out for their mission - they do a lot of training with their teams - they do deliverance and healing ministry with them. It sounds exciting.
So far on my first day we got a basic overview and started looking into generational sin. As I was reading the verses about generational sin - the Lord immediately brought my mind to my father and his family and their relationship to food ... and my addiction to food/aka - the sin of gluttony. My father is overweight for sure, but the rest of his family is even more overweight than he is. All type 2 diabetics, all obese, all do not know when to say when.
So when the next part of the session came to us - praying for some sin to be revealed so we could practice with it and confess - I knew what the Lord wanted me to confess!
So I walked through the steps with a friend that came with me and then she with me. First you pray for God to reveal to you anything that may have been passed down to you from your family... and write down what the Lord reveals and from whom it came to you by.
Then you confess this sin (and any of its accompanying sins that go along with it) - even for something you had no control over! Repent of your ancestors sin as well as your own. Also, ask forgiveness if you have ever been angry at God for allowing this to be passed to you - I struggle with blaming God so I definitely added that part in.
Third, forgive and release your ancestors for passing this on and any curses that may have come with it.
Then ask for God's forgiveness - especially that you receive and believe His forgiveness.
Finally, you recognize the authority that has been placed in you - as one you who is united in Christ - and you place the cross between you and the ancestor's sin and command all it's curses to be halted in the name of Jesus.
This is something like what I have done in Neil Anderson's book the Bondage Breaker... but the Lord had never revealed this generational tie to food before. And it is not at all a coincidence that I just recognized my need to confess any unbelief as sin to the Lord earlier in the week! The Lord was preparing me to receive this very message from Him.
The leaders of the group told us to expect God to work in this area of our lives this week.... So I am excited to see what He may do in me. I prayed for big things. That he would heal me of my addiction to food, change my metabolism and make it even the tiniest bit faster, change my taste buds - and all my senses to relate more wisely with food, and for my stomach and mind to know when I am hungry and full. Yay - let's see what He does!
So far on my first day we got a basic overview and started looking into generational sin. As I was reading the verses about generational sin - the Lord immediately brought my mind to my father and his family and their relationship to food ... and my addiction to food/aka - the sin of gluttony. My father is overweight for sure, but the rest of his family is even more overweight than he is. All type 2 diabetics, all obese, all do not know when to say when.
So when the next part of the session came to us - praying for some sin to be revealed so we could practice with it and confess - I knew what the Lord wanted me to confess!
So I walked through the steps with a friend that came with me and then she with me. First you pray for God to reveal to you anything that may have been passed down to you from your family... and write down what the Lord reveals and from whom it came to you by.
Then you confess this sin (and any of its accompanying sins that go along with it) - even for something you had no control over! Repent of your ancestors sin as well as your own. Also, ask forgiveness if you have ever been angry at God for allowing this to be passed to you - I struggle with blaming God so I definitely added that part in.
Third, forgive and release your ancestors for passing this on and any curses that may have come with it.
Then ask for God's forgiveness - especially that you receive and believe His forgiveness.
Finally, you recognize the authority that has been placed in you - as one you who is united in Christ - and you place the cross between you and the ancestor's sin and command all it's curses to be halted in the name of Jesus.
This is something like what I have done in Neil Anderson's book the Bondage Breaker... but the Lord had never revealed this generational tie to food before. And it is not at all a coincidence that I just recognized my need to confess any unbelief as sin to the Lord earlier in the week! The Lord was preparing me to receive this very message from Him.
The leaders of the group told us to expect God to work in this area of our lives this week.... So I am excited to see what He may do in me. I prayed for big things. That he would heal me of my addiction to food, change my metabolism and make it even the tiniest bit faster, change my taste buds - and all my senses to relate more wisely with food, and for my stomach and mind to know when I am hungry and full. Yay - let's see what He does!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
confess unbelief
Unbelief is sin. All unbelief about who God says He is - is sin.
I have never completely realized this was sin before. I was always working under the assumption that unbelief is just part of who we are - a part of our nature to question if things are true or not. And if I have ever thought of unbelief as sin before - it was only ever in relation to my initial salvation - and not to my ongoing sanctification.
Usually we just acknowledge that we have been believing lies about God. And once we acknowledge them - we then have an opportunity to choose whether we are going to walk in the truth or the lie... this is our normal course of things - at least in all I have seen and done.
Now the Lord has pointed out to me something that is entirely new to me - if my unbelief is a sin - then I must confess it - and bring it before Him into the light.
Here is the other amazing truth - I can not choose the truth over the lie .... NO! I must pray for the unbelief to be removed, and pray for the faith to believe the truth - so that my whole being will know that truth without question.
Then we will see God as He is - He is everything! - He is both the remover of sin and the filler of truth. AND the provider of faith.
Many verses ....
Heb 3:19
So because of their unbelief they were not able to enter His rest.
Heb 4: 1-3
God’s promise of entering his rest still stands, so we ought to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to experience it. For this good news—that God has prepared this rest—has been announced to us just as it was to them. But it did them no good because they didn’t share the faith of those who listened to God. For only we who believe can enter his rest.
Romans:10:17
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.
Heb 11:1
Faith is the assurance of things hoped for - the confidence of things not seen.
Heb 12:2
Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith
Romans 12: 3, 2 Cor 10:13
Faith has been allotted to each of us but - we can grow in it too.
Galatians 3:3
If you began your new life in the Spirit - what makes you think you can now perfect it in the flesh - we need Jesus from start to finish - to perfect this faith in us.
I have never completely realized this was sin before. I was always working under the assumption that unbelief is just part of who we are - a part of our nature to question if things are true or not. And if I have ever thought of unbelief as sin before - it was only ever in relation to my initial salvation - and not to my ongoing sanctification.
Usually we just acknowledge that we have been believing lies about God. And once we acknowledge them - we then have an opportunity to choose whether we are going to walk in the truth or the lie... this is our normal course of things - at least in all I have seen and done.
Now the Lord has pointed out to me something that is entirely new to me - if my unbelief is a sin - then I must confess it - and bring it before Him into the light.
Here is the other amazing truth - I can not choose the truth over the lie .... NO! I must pray for the unbelief to be removed, and pray for the faith to believe the truth - so that my whole being will know that truth without question.
Then we will see God as He is - He is everything! - He is both the remover of sin and the filler of truth. AND the provider of faith.
Many verses ....
Heb 3:19
So because of their unbelief they were not able to enter His rest.
Heb 4: 1-3
God’s promise of entering his rest still stands, so we ought to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to experience it. For this good news—that God has prepared this rest—has been announced to us just as it was to them. But it did them no good because they didn’t share the faith of those who listened to God. For only we who believe can enter his rest.
Romans:10:17
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.
Heb 11:1
Faith is the assurance of things hoped for - the confidence of things not seen.
Heb 12:2
Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith
Romans 12: 3, 2 Cor 10:13
Faith has been allotted to each of us but - we can grow in it too.
Galatians 3:3
If you began your new life in the Spirit - what makes you think you can now perfect it in the flesh - we need Jesus from start to finish - to perfect this faith in us.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
truth
As I woke up this morning singing ... Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner... I also felt the Lord calling me to recall many of His promises. And pray for them to be exercised by faith in me.
Yesterday was full of doubts. Doubts about what God has called me to do, and doubts about His character. As I said yesterday - when I can not hear Him - or feel Him near - I get lost and I start exercising all of my old doubts. But I can NOT continue down that old path anymore!
I believe the Lord is calling me out of this old way - which is part of my bondage to sinful eating. As soon as I eat the 'wrong' thing (I say it that way - because I do not believe any food is wrong to eat - but all good food comes from the Lord. However, He has called me into a fast - and so I am abstaining from many normal foods - in order to learn discipline and obedience.) - I do not run to the Lord - I do not confess it to Him and keep moving on with Him. No - instead, I eat the 'wrong' thing, listen to the lies of the enemy telling me that my day is ruined, feel all the guilt - and continue on in my day, rehearsing more lies that lead into doubting the goodness of my God. This is the seasick pattern that has been my way for so long.
So how do I do it differently? I need to stop going over the lies again and again. The new way has to be a rehearsing of the truth when temptation comes ... But the work of faith has to come from the Lord - He will grow the faith in me until I believe the truth... until the truth owns me and I find rest in it.
As I was praying this morning - I felt the Lord calling my attention to one particular lie. The lie that says when I can not hear Him and feel Him near - that He is actually NOT there. BUT that is simply not the truth of scripture, James 4:8 says very clearly that if I draw close to Him, He will draw close to me. It doesn't even matter why I am still believing it - I just am. The lie has become such a part of me that I can not undo its work in me - God must heal me of it.
So as I was praying - I cried out to God to help my unbelief. And I asked Him to create the faith in me to believe James 4:8 without question. And even now as I am typing I am confessing my unbelief - my SIN of unbelief - and I am moving ahead with the Lord today. And I choose to believe that He will keep me from moving into that sin again. Because He is here. Because He is a God who gives good gifts to His children when they ask.
*** Ah an answer to prayer! I asked God to do this very thing in me on September 5 - down in the post called 'true'. Praise God for His good gifts!
Yesterday was full of doubts. Doubts about what God has called me to do, and doubts about His character. As I said yesterday - when I can not hear Him - or feel Him near - I get lost and I start exercising all of my old doubts. But I can NOT continue down that old path anymore!
I believe the Lord is calling me out of this old way - which is part of my bondage to sinful eating. As soon as I eat the 'wrong' thing (I say it that way - because I do not believe any food is wrong to eat - but all good food comes from the Lord. However, He has called me into a fast - and so I am abstaining from many normal foods - in order to learn discipline and obedience.) - I do not run to the Lord - I do not confess it to Him and keep moving on with Him. No - instead, I eat the 'wrong' thing, listen to the lies of the enemy telling me that my day is ruined, feel all the guilt - and continue on in my day, rehearsing more lies that lead into doubting the goodness of my God. This is the seasick pattern that has been my way for so long.
So how do I do it differently? I need to stop going over the lies again and again. The new way has to be a rehearsing of the truth when temptation comes ... But the work of faith has to come from the Lord - He will grow the faith in me until I believe the truth... until the truth owns me and I find rest in it.
As I was praying this morning - I felt the Lord calling my attention to one particular lie. The lie that says when I can not hear Him and feel Him near - that He is actually NOT there. BUT that is simply not the truth of scripture, James 4:8 says very clearly that if I draw close to Him, He will draw close to me. It doesn't even matter why I am still believing it - I just am. The lie has become such a part of me that I can not undo its work in me - God must heal me of it.
So as I was praying - I cried out to God to help my unbelief. And I asked Him to create the faith in me to believe James 4:8 without question. And even now as I am typing I am confessing my unbelief - my SIN of unbelief - and I am moving ahead with the Lord today. And I choose to believe that He will keep me from moving into that sin again. Because He is here. Because He is a God who gives good gifts to His children when they ask.
*** Ah an answer to prayer! I asked God to do this very thing in me on September 5 - down in the post called 'true'. Praise God for His good gifts!
afresh
I wake up most mornings with this song in my heart ... it is from the liturgy that I sang at church as a kid. Except I always hear Leigh Nash's voice from one of the City on a Hill albums...
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.
I woke up singing it again this morning. Yesterday was a mess for me with food - and I knew today I would need to start again. I wake up singing this song most days - but today especially, I was glad to open myself up to this confession, and receive the Lord's work in me.
I read an Andrew Murray chapter yesterday from 'Abide in Christ' about the blessing God has given us in the cycle of days. Each day ends and allows us to start afresh the next day. Each day ends with a time of rest - so that we are ready for the next day. And we are reminded in Matthew 6:34 - that we only need to worry about today - because each day has enough trouble of its own.
And Andrew Murray reminded me of something that I learned a couple of years ago - that I only need to worry about being obedient today. And that God gives us grace and mercies only for this day - and tomorrow we will receive new ones again.
I am a sinner ... but a sinner that is saved by a good God who gives His children good gifts.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.
I woke up singing it again this morning. Yesterday was a mess for me with food - and I knew today I would need to start again. I wake up singing this song most days - but today especially, I was glad to open myself up to this confession, and receive the Lord's work in me.
I read an Andrew Murray chapter yesterday from 'Abide in Christ' about the blessing God has given us in the cycle of days. Each day ends and allows us to start afresh the next day. Each day ends with a time of rest - so that we are ready for the next day. And we are reminded in Matthew 6:34 - that we only need to worry about today - because each day has enough trouble of its own.
And Andrew Murray reminded me of something that I learned a couple of years ago - that I only need to worry about being obedient today. And that God gives us grace and mercies only for this day - and tomorrow we will receive new ones again.
I am a sinner ... but a sinner that is saved by a good God who gives His children good gifts.
Monday, September 17, 2012
sea sick
Ugh. I truly hate my emotional ups and downs. One day I am charged and ready for a new challenge ... excited to follow God into whatever. The next day - like today - I have thrown in all of those ideals for my own ideas ... like eating whatever, indulging my doubts, and watching too much TV.
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
What is to become of me if I continue on this course besides getting sea sick.
Do I want healing, do I want to be free of this addiction, do I want to know God better - I can honestly say YES! But today my thoughts are dull and it is hard to hear the Lord - to feel Him - and that is when I get lost. I keep praying and He still seems distant ... and then my doubts set in and I follow after the comfortable well-known lies. The lies that are worn in and time-tested - my rut. I keep pursuing the truth - listening to music - but my ears are dull. I read, studied, and prayed until I fell asleep - but my ears are still dull.
What is the deal, Lord? I already feel sea sick... please break through.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
deserve?
I have been thinking about the word 'deserve'. It is one that we as Americans throw around a lot.
I 'deserve' a break!
You 'deserve' that piece of cake or that 300 dollar phone etc...
That person 'deserves' what he gets.
All Americans 'deserve' health care.
I was thinking about it in regards to me and eating. I began my fast today and I feel like crap. So I am taking this day slow. But then I got to wondering about that word 'deserve'. Do I 'deserve' a slow day? Am I not the one who got myself into this situation? It may not have been entirely a conscious decision to over indulge when I was young ... especially as it then snowballed into an addiction in my teen and adult years. But somewhere in there I was aware that my overeating was a problem. The issue is that no matter how many times I have tried to overcome my addiction - I am incapable of freeing myself of its bondage. Yet here I am still - with the same mentality that I have begun this whole thing with - 'I deserve'.
So I looked up all the verses with the word deserve in it and also looked up the definition. Deserve simply means that we get what our deeds render, we reap what we sow. If I plant tomatoes - I will get tomatoes. Well than - haven't I gotten what I deserve? If I have eaten to the point of gluttony - than it stands to reason that I am a glutton (or is the reverse true - I am a glutton - so I eat to the point of gluttony?) and thus I am overweight and unhealthy - the natural consequences of such behavior.
But that is not how Americans use this word is it? - they use the word more like it means 'entitled'. Which means to authorize or privilege. For example - I have a coupon for half off my entree - this authorizes me to get this discount. I have been given a special privilege - and this is outside of the normal practice... It denotes that I am a special case or different in some way. The problem with Americans though, is that this kind of privilege is bestowed on us regularly - and now we have come to expect it - regularly.
My regular entitlement is .... I should get to eat whatever tastes good. Whatever people serve me... that I need a feast, that I should get to eat however and whenever I want. Oh and regardless of all of that eating - I should then also be thin and attractive and fit and not have to work at it. I think I am 'entitled' to a different body, set of circumstances, different stomach, a different mind or even a free pass from all of this nonsense. So then I start to blame God for making me this way - or allowing this or that to happen etc etc.... And wow - that will get messy quick - and pretty sure I am on the losing end of that conversation!
So what is it that I deserve? In my sinful flesh - I can only reap what it sows - and that will be more sin. If I continue to allow my gluttony to win the day than I will reap its consequences. Because sin deserves more sin - because that is the only thing it can sow - so thus it is the ONLY thing it can reap.
But thank God - in Jesus I am entitled to so much more! Because He has given me the privilege to be united in Christ! In His death, resurrection, and new life - and only because of what Christ has done - and not from anything in me - He has secured so many promises - so many blessings, to those who are found in Him. So I am a special case - I actually am different - but not because I am American but because I am found in Christ! Those promises and blessings are mine because I am united to Christ! His grace entitles me to so many great things - He has given me so much MORE than I deserve.
So in regards to my body and eating what are my promises? .... I think I need to leave that for my next post!
Some interesting verses from my search:
For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus.
2 Timothy 1:9
He repays people according to their deeds. He treats people as they deserve.
Job 34:11
He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
Psalm 103:10
Give to the LORD the glory he deserves! Bring your offering and come into his courts.
Psalm 96:8
But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.”
Jeremiah 17:10
O my God, lean down and listen to me. Open your eyes and see our despair. See how your city—the city that bears your name—lies in ruins. We make this plea, not because we deserve help, but because of your mercy.
Daniel 9:18
Don’t move around from home to home. Stay in one place, eating and drinking what they provide. Don’t hesitate to accept hospitality, because those who work deserve their pay.
Luke 10:7
Likewise, David said, “Let their bountiful table become a snare, a trap that makes them think all is well. Let their blessings cause them to stumble, and let them get what they deserve.
Romans 11:9
For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body.
2 Corinthians 5:10
Thursday, September 6, 2012
freedom
I am getting ready for a fast. This Sunday I will be fasting, and then on Monday I will be Medifasting for the next few months. During Lent this past Spring I fasted and Medifasted, and hoped that through this act of discipline and dedicated time set aside for the Lord that He might heal me from my eating addiction. Instead, he healed me from my TV addiction instead!
All during that fast - I was feeling terribly oppressed and I used TV as a ready and easy escape. I was pursuing the Lord so much during that time - that it felt like it was OK to take a break and watch some TV. Yet, during the fast I felt the Lord asking me to give up my TV escape. But I asked in desperation to please continue till the end of Lent and He said 'that's OK'. Then at the end of Lent - I let go of TV and felt an actual release inside - something in me was finally free, as I spontaneously cried and was led into worship.
So to be honest, I am hoping for big things for this fast! I want to be free of my addiction! I want the Lord to heal me!
A friend just gave me a link to a blog where this woman was honestly sharing her thoughts on eating. One thing that she said that I wholeheartedly agree with is that we are meant to have times of fasting and times of feasting. Yes - that seems truly biblical. But, she also said that we as Americans have taken feasting to a whole new level. I agree - this is where I fall into my problem. If I take a break to feast, then I never want to stop feasting. Everything tastes so good and fresh when you are on vacation or when it's summer, or at Christmastime. We should get to taste all those lovely flavors at different times of the year. But then I begin to think I deserve to continue eating like that all the time. And I stop listening to the Lord's voice on what I should eat and not eat - and start listening to my flesh.
As I was praying about this issue yesterday, and thinking through what healing will mean for me, the Lord brought something to mind. Way back in May I was leading a study on the Holy Spirit - I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but as I started to say something -- I knew the words coming from my mouth were not my own and were in fact for me as much as everyone else in the room ( It was the Spirit breaking in). I was sharing about my food addiction and saying 'What if The Lord really wants me to listen to His voice about every bite that I eat, what if He wants me to know His voice that well - especially while I eat? What if He desires that kind of obedience?'
I think He does want that kind of obedience from me. And so I am fasting again. Praying that as I do He will bring healing - not just break the bonds of my addiction but heal my body from all of my back pain. For some reason - I feel like the Lord is linking the two things together. Soon - I will get to see what happens! How I am longing for the freedom He will bring!
All during that fast - I was feeling terribly oppressed and I used TV as a ready and easy escape. I was pursuing the Lord so much during that time - that it felt like it was OK to take a break and watch some TV. Yet, during the fast I felt the Lord asking me to give up my TV escape. But I asked in desperation to please continue till the end of Lent and He said 'that's OK'. Then at the end of Lent - I let go of TV and felt an actual release inside - something in me was finally free, as I spontaneously cried and was led into worship.
So to be honest, I am hoping for big things for this fast! I want to be free of my addiction! I want the Lord to heal me!
A friend just gave me a link to a blog where this woman was honestly sharing her thoughts on eating. One thing that she said that I wholeheartedly agree with is that we are meant to have times of fasting and times of feasting. Yes - that seems truly biblical. But, she also said that we as Americans have taken feasting to a whole new level. I agree - this is where I fall into my problem. If I take a break to feast, then I never want to stop feasting. Everything tastes so good and fresh when you are on vacation or when it's summer, or at Christmastime. We should get to taste all those lovely flavors at different times of the year. But then I begin to think I deserve to continue eating like that all the time. And I stop listening to the Lord's voice on what I should eat and not eat - and start listening to my flesh.
As I was praying about this issue yesterday, and thinking through what healing will mean for me, the Lord brought something to mind. Way back in May I was leading a study on the Holy Spirit - I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but as I started to say something -- I knew the words coming from my mouth were not my own and were in fact for me as much as everyone else in the room ( It was the Spirit breaking in). I was sharing about my food addiction and saying 'What if The Lord really wants me to listen to His voice about every bite that I eat, what if He wants me to know His voice that well - especially while I eat? What if He desires that kind of obedience?'
I think He does want that kind of obedience from me. And so I am fasting again. Praying that as I do He will bring healing - not just break the bonds of my addiction but heal my body from all of my back pain. For some reason - I feel like the Lord is linking the two things together. Soon - I will get to see what happens! How I am longing for the freedom He will bring!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
true
We are not at liberty to change or to limit the promises of God whenever they present some difficulty to us; neither can we insist that they shall be clearly explained to us before we can bring ourselves to believe what they state. It is for us to begin by receiving them without resistance; then only can the Spirit of God find us in the state of mind in which we can be taught and enlightened.
- Andrew Murray, Divine Healing
This quote is excellent. How many of my days as a Christ-Follower have I done this very thing - limit the promises of God. I have spent too many moments doubting God, too many days asking God to prove Himself to me.
But I do not need to understand His promises to believe that they are true. I simply believe they are true because Jesus is true.
Lord Jesus, move away my walls of doubt, fill me with faith. Strip off my unbelief and help me to firmly stand on your truth.
- Andrew Murray, Divine Healing
This quote is excellent. How many of my days as a Christ-Follower have I done this very thing - limit the promises of God. I have spent too many moments doubting God, too many days asking God to prove Himself to me.
But I do not need to understand His promises to believe that they are true. I simply believe they are true because Jesus is true.
Lord Jesus, move away my walls of doubt, fill me with faith. Strip off my unbelief and help me to firmly stand on your truth.
prayer and faith
I was recently discussing prayer with a couple of women who wanted to know my thoughts. They were reading Dutch Sheets' book 'Intercessory Prayer'. I hadn't read it in a couple of years so I picked it back up and skimmed over the first 6 chapters. I knew even before doing this what these women were struggling to get past in the book. In the second chapter he asserts that God has set up the world in such a way that he 'needs' us to be praying to accomplish His mission.
As I read the book the first time - I too struggled with that section and each reference thereafter. God does not 'need' us - he didn't have to create but He did 'choose' to. He created us because He wanted to share Himself with someone. Just like we have that innate desire to share our stories with others - even to the point that it feels as if it did not happen until we have shared with someone else. So too, God wanted to share with someone and thus created. So does he 'need' us - no, but does He 'choose' us - yes!
He may not 'need' us to pray, but He has chosen to work through our prayers. He has given his creatures dominion over the earth, we are made just a little lower than the angels, yet He extends His grace and mercy to us and through us. If we are indeed His body - the body of Christ - than He has designed the earth - and particularly the church - to be His hands and feet - and pray-ers here on earth. We help distribute his grace, love, and mercy to the world as His representatives - this is what it means to be an image-bearer.
I do not pretend to understand all the intricacies of this question of what prayer does and does not accomplish- this definitely falls into the category of sovereignty vs. free will but here is what I do know from scripture...
James 4:2b
Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.
Luke 11: 8-10
And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
John 14: 12
I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!
Prayer is meant to make a difference! It is meant to change things!
As I reread that Dutch Sheets book I was struck again - that even though I do not agree with all of his theology - I can not deny that God answers his prayers - in big, huge, extravagant ways. In the end it is not his theology that really matters but his faith!
James 5: 13-18
Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises. Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years! Then, when he prayed again, the sky sent down rain and the earth began to yield its crops.
Matt 17:20
You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.
Ahh - how we need more faith! ... God enlarge our hearts so we might receive even more!
As I read the book the first time - I too struggled with that section and each reference thereafter. God does not 'need' us - he didn't have to create but He did 'choose' to. He created us because He wanted to share Himself with someone. Just like we have that innate desire to share our stories with others - even to the point that it feels as if it did not happen until we have shared with someone else. So too, God wanted to share with someone and thus created. So does he 'need' us - no, but does He 'choose' us - yes!
He may not 'need' us to pray, but He has chosen to work through our prayers. He has given his creatures dominion over the earth, we are made just a little lower than the angels, yet He extends His grace and mercy to us and through us. If we are indeed His body - the body of Christ - than He has designed the earth - and particularly the church - to be His hands and feet - and pray-ers here on earth. We help distribute his grace, love, and mercy to the world as His representatives - this is what it means to be an image-bearer.
I do not pretend to understand all the intricacies of this question of what prayer does and does not accomplish- this definitely falls into the category of sovereignty vs. free will but here is what I do know from scripture...
James 4:2b
Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.
Luke 11: 8-10
And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
John 14: 12
I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!
Prayer is meant to make a difference! It is meant to change things!
As I reread that Dutch Sheets book I was struck again - that even though I do not agree with all of his theology - I can not deny that God answers his prayers - in big, huge, extravagant ways. In the end it is not his theology that really matters but his faith!
James 5: 13-18
Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises. Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years! Then, when he prayed again, the sky sent down rain and the earth began to yield its crops.
Matt 17:20
You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.
Ahh - how we need more faith! ... God enlarge our hearts so we might receive even more!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
healing
I am reading about healing. I read Andrew Murray's biography last month. He was a South African preacher/evangelist/author/leader around the turn of the last century. When he was 51 he lost his voice for 2 years. He went away to different climates and saw specialists... but he still could not speak above a whisper (and that only limited) without doing even further damage to his vocal chords. Finally he went to England and while he was there went to a faith healing center. That is where he learned about God's desire to heal His people as it says in James 5. It was there that his faith grew and he then began praying prayers for healing.
Before that he had done all he could with doctors and medicine. Not just in South Africa but in Europe as well. And his voice improved for a short time and then got worse again. But in all that quiet He drew close to the Lord and began to examine his heart. Asking the Lord - if there be anything in him - any reason why the Lord would allow this kind of discipline. And when he was at the faith healing center - as he studied scripture with the leader there ... the leader showed him that disease is chastisement for the believer - and once the reason for the chastisement is discovered and dealt with - then the disease is no longer necessary. That disease is designed to bring us into to full submission to God.
So after much prayer and after Andrew's faith was grown - he prayed and was healed. His voice was restored and sounded clear and perfect - better than it had ever been, and for the rest of his days he never had another issue with his voice. He also believed that healing was meant to establish a moment by moment union with the Lord - to maintain that flow of health. So he gave the working of his voice completely over to the Lord in complete surrender and in much praise.
As I think through this I am thinking of my own pain. I have struggled with much pain in my neck, back, arm, and now shoulders for years now. It now only continues to get worse, there is not a day that goes by that i am not in some kind of pain - it is just a matter of where and how much. I have not studied this enough to know all the correct theology but I do know that the Lord can and does heal. And when I read the gospels - Jesus never turns away from anyone who needs to be healed - if they ask - He heals. Why would he do any less for me, His own daughter?
Recently, I asked my husband to pray with me about healing. It was one of the most spiritually intimate moments of our marriage. We touched each place that it hurts, he prayed and then I prayed. We ended up in tears as we prayed. I felt in that moment that the Lord does indeed want to heal me ... He also gave me a pretty strong impression that praying only once would not accomplish the mission - but that we had to persist. I am now also wondering if perhaps I need the Lord to show me for what reason he has allowed this chastisement into my life and what I need to fully surrender to Him. It's a good question and I think I am ready for Him to show me the answer. There is so much in my body - especially my food issues that needs to be turned over to Him.
So here goes something new! Here we go - praying for healing!
Oh how I am longing for the freedom to come - Oh how I am longing to praise God for the freedom He will bring!
Before that he had done all he could with doctors and medicine. Not just in South Africa but in Europe as well. And his voice improved for a short time and then got worse again. But in all that quiet He drew close to the Lord and began to examine his heart. Asking the Lord - if there be anything in him - any reason why the Lord would allow this kind of discipline. And when he was at the faith healing center - as he studied scripture with the leader there ... the leader showed him that disease is chastisement for the believer - and once the reason for the chastisement is discovered and dealt with - then the disease is no longer necessary. That disease is designed to bring us into to full submission to God.
So after much prayer and after Andrew's faith was grown - he prayed and was healed. His voice was restored and sounded clear and perfect - better than it had ever been, and for the rest of his days he never had another issue with his voice. He also believed that healing was meant to establish a moment by moment union with the Lord - to maintain that flow of health. So he gave the working of his voice completely over to the Lord in complete surrender and in much praise.
As I think through this I am thinking of my own pain. I have struggled with much pain in my neck, back, arm, and now shoulders for years now. It now only continues to get worse, there is not a day that goes by that i am not in some kind of pain - it is just a matter of where and how much. I have not studied this enough to know all the correct theology but I do know that the Lord can and does heal. And when I read the gospels - Jesus never turns away from anyone who needs to be healed - if they ask - He heals. Why would he do any less for me, His own daughter?
Recently, I asked my husband to pray with me about healing. It was one of the most spiritually intimate moments of our marriage. We touched each place that it hurts, he prayed and then I prayed. We ended up in tears as we prayed. I felt in that moment that the Lord does indeed want to heal me ... He also gave me a pretty strong impression that praying only once would not accomplish the mission - but that we had to persist. I am now also wondering if perhaps I need the Lord to show me for what reason he has allowed this chastisement into my life and what I need to fully surrender to Him. It's a good question and I think I am ready for Him to show me the answer. There is so much in my body - especially my food issues that needs to be turned over to Him.
So here goes something new! Here we go - praying for healing!
Oh how I am longing for the freedom to come - Oh how I am longing to praise God for the freedom He will bring!
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