Do people actually read what I say? ... there are times I wish they did not, and that all of this was left in complete obscurity. But every now and then I get a comment from someone unknown encouraging me - and I like that. It's hard to know what to do. I like journaling online but perhaps the audience is unnecessary. I don't know that my original intent has been served - which was to find others like me - who are searching to practice God's presence and actually talking about it. I don't even know If I am doing what I set out to do anymore.
I still desperately want to learn to practice His presence. I still want to know others who are working toward that too. I guess it is something to set to prayer... we will see where the Lord directs.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
still fighting
It's been awhile.
As I said in my last post this has been a difficult summer. When I try and tell people about my summer though - all they hear is that I have been on a lot of vacations. It's true - I have been on a lot of vacations - but none were restful - none were quiet - and there was very little time to spend with the Lord. Then on the weeks in between - there was so much to catch up on! Whether it was unpacking, laundry, cleaning, or counseling/mentoring ... the lack of quiet continued amidst the care of 3 kids who sometimes actually want to hang out with me.
So the summer for me - spiritually anyway - kinda sucked. Not just because of the lack of time, but when there was time I was so unsettled. Oppression, depression, and disquiet have been the theme. I have also been in quite a bit of pain with back issues. My struggle with food has also been hard - vacations are not my strongest moments, and I have gained a significant amount of weight. I feel restless and exhausted and quite frankly - ugly.
But here is the encouraging thing for me. When last I wrote the Lord did break through some of the haze. And I have sensed the Spirit when I pray. I have prayed with my husband for healing. And the Lord continues to use me despite all my feelings of disquiet.
I am still longing for more, still praying for more... still fighting for more of God. It almost feels like a veil that needs to be broken through... so I continue to wait on God keeping in mind all of His many amazing promises.
As I said in my last post this has been a difficult summer. When I try and tell people about my summer though - all they hear is that I have been on a lot of vacations. It's true - I have been on a lot of vacations - but none were restful - none were quiet - and there was very little time to spend with the Lord. Then on the weeks in between - there was so much to catch up on! Whether it was unpacking, laundry, cleaning, or counseling/mentoring ... the lack of quiet continued amidst the care of 3 kids who sometimes actually want to hang out with me.
So the summer for me - spiritually anyway - kinda sucked. Not just because of the lack of time, but when there was time I was so unsettled. Oppression, depression, and disquiet have been the theme. I have also been in quite a bit of pain with back issues. My struggle with food has also been hard - vacations are not my strongest moments, and I have gained a significant amount of weight. I feel restless and exhausted and quite frankly - ugly.
But here is the encouraging thing for me. When last I wrote the Lord did break through some of the haze. And I have sensed the Spirit when I pray. I have prayed with my husband for healing. And the Lord continues to use me despite all my feelings of disquiet.
I am still longing for more, still praying for more... still fighting for more of God. It almost feels like a veil that needs to be broken through... so I continue to wait on God keeping in mind all of His many amazing promises.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)