obedience

I've had a thought running in my head the last couple of days. Here it is... 'obedience is not legalism'. I heard my pastor say it in a sermon sometime in the last year or so. And when he said it - it struck me, and in the last few days God has brought it to my remembrance. Here is the difference between the two - legalism is when we add rules on top of/or instead of what God has laid out for us to do. It is work, it's striving to make our sanctification happen without God. And obedience is listening to God's desires for us, and actually doing it with His power and leading.

In the last year I have been trying really hard to get my flesh to do something it just did not want to do. I was trying to get my flesh to follow the rules - my rules - to want to eat healthy, to want to eat less, to enjoy being hungry all the time. I wanted my flesh to obey me. None of these desires are bad necessarily, but I was not letting God lead, I was trying to make it all happen without His power - and use mine instead.

The really big problem with my plan is that flesh does not want to obey ... and it can't obey... it's flesh... and there is nothing that can be done to get it to obey. Flesh wants what it wants. Flesh is deceptive and corrupt. Flesh is full of sin. But I kept asking my flesh to obey me anyway, and it just kept on saying 'no'.

So it was just me and my flesh duking it out, and flesh was winning. It had not occurred to me that God might want to be in on this, and that in fact He was the only way out. But I really wanted my flesh to obey me, so that in the end of it all - I would get the glory. If God took over, He would. But it just wasn't working my way.

I entered into this Lenten fast pretty lightly, meaning I didn't spend a whole lot of time debating it, or deciding. I just knew that I could not continue going down this same sin-filled path. And I hated where I was, I hated what I was doing, I hated that my flesh was winning, and I hated that I was filled with pride and wanted God's glory for myself. At the beginning of this new year I asked God to kill my addiction. I was at the point where I just couldn't live with my sin any longer. And in my spirit, I desperately want my life to glorify God, so I asked Him to lead me. So what to give up for Lent seemed obvious - food.

However, this time fasting needed to be different, it needed to be a matter of obedience. But what would my obedience to God look like? I had already tried to make my flesh obey my rules and failed. This time I had to try it God's way. I needed to learn what walking in obedience to Him actually looks and feels like as I eat. So, I am learning that it really has less to do with what I am doing and not doing with food, and is much more about which direction my heart is facing. I am learning to listen to His voice, to let His power flow in me, and then act out what God is saying. And when temptation rises, as it always does, I am learning to look for the way out that God has promised to provide and actually take it.

Food can no longer be the thing I run to for happiness. And for so long it has been ... as soon as I would slip a tasty something on my tongue I would get a rush of pleasure even if it was only for those moments that I was eating. The problem was I could always go back again and again, and food is always there - because I have to eat. Food, also, can not be the thing I center my whole life around. I was always dreaming of the next meal, or the next party or holiday full of treats, or the next time I got to go out for dinner - and it was all for that next great taste that I thought was going to make me feel so good. It is a true high, a real addiction.

I have to tell you this has not been easy - it is hard to turn away from a lifetime of thinking about food this way. It has been a daily struggle to not eat what the Lord has asked me to abstain from. But He keeps reminding me that salvation has to come from Him. Not just that one moment in time conversion, but the moment to moment salvation that is sanctification. He wants my happiness and joy and salvation to come from Jesus every moment of the day. He wants me to be obedient, not so He can thumb me down, but because He knows I will be happier when I am free of this and free to serve Him. So He keeps reminding me to turn my heart, face, mind, ears, and mouth back to Him.

At the end of it all, I want my flesh to die, I want this addiction put to death, I want food to be just food and not the idol I worship. And I can honestly say now, I want all of this, not so I feel good about me, but so that God will be worshiped and glorified in my life. He is the healer, He is the One who brings obedience, and He is the One who can break the power of sin in me. That is worth worshipping - He is worth giving glory to, because He is the only One willing and able - filled with power beyond all comprehension - to do this work in me.

Galatians 3: 3,4
How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?  Have you experienced so much for nothing? Surely it was not in vain, was it?