feast

I woke up anxious again today.

People keep asking how I am - and for some reason when I say 'fine' it feels like I am being dishonest. So instead I say that I am feeling anxious. Then inevitably they ask 'why' and then I say 'I am pretty sure it's oppression.' It may follow with me saying something like, 'I have examined myself and asked the Lord - if it's me or any sin in me - and I come up with nothing, so...'

As I have prayed about it, I usually feel like God keeps saying for me to be patient. That I am supposed to learn to stand up under it. That He is here - whether He feels like it or not.

As I was singing in church today a line from a song we sing based on Psalm 23 stuck out to me ... 'You are my feast in the presence of enemies'. That line says a lot about where I am right now. Stuck in the presence of enemies - this oppression - yet I can still feast on the Lord. Especially in this season of Lent - where the Lord has asked me to give up so much food, to fast, and be present with Him - He is the feast.

I have found at the end of the days that I have fasted that I am still looking for food to be my salvation - instead of the Lord. Yet He is the One who has sustained me all the while.


Oh Lord - be my salvation, be the feast that I run to at the beginning and end of everyday.  Come, Spirit, and wash me clean - bring repentance - so that I may be free to worship You even as I eat.