battle

I woke up this morning feeling anxious. I really have nothing in life to be anxious about yet this cloud of oppression is here. I know I was fighting even as I slept too, each time I turned over I heard myself singing in my heart, reaching out to the Lord.

It turned out to be a snow day for my kids - no school. It is a mixed blessing. I didn't have to get up to prepare them for the day and get them out the door to the bus - that was a blessing. The part I am really hoping God shows up in - is our interaction throughout the day. I have been snappy, grumpy, and ugly. For what has been weeks now. I am getting on my own nerves - and am constantly wondering why I bother to open my mouth at all. My flesh has won may small victories. I have hurt my kids, and my husband.

This is a battle. And I refuse to let my flesh, and Satan's lies win. Yesterday as I wrote my entry I felt a small victory. I got to the end and instead of falling into a heap of despair - I turned my thoughts back to the Lord. In the past - I definitely would have decided to eat and watch TV. I would have listened and even entertained the lies of the enemy. Instead, I chose faith in Him.

Today, will be hard. It is already hard. As I write my son is literally screaming in his room over something ridiculous. I will have to address him, and I really want what I say to be from the Lord and not from my flesh.  I am also into my Lenten fast - so calories are low and even lower today as I fast through 3 of my small Medifast meals. Energy and drive to do anything are lacking.

I must choose faith, otherwise this battle will come again, and Christ will not get the glory now. And I want it to be over and I want Christ to be glorified in me. I know He is testing me - and I want to pass. I want more of Him and I want my flesh - these strongholds - to be broken in me.  Lord be here today - work in me.

Psalm 35: 1-3


 O LORD, oppose those who oppose me.
      Fight those who fight against me.
  Put on your armor, and take up your shield.
      Prepare for battle, and come to my aid.
  Lift up your spear and javelin
      against those who pursue me.
   Let me hear you say,
      “I will give you victory!”