deep breath

I am off next week to a wonderful retreat in Florida with my husband. We will be in a free condo on the beach, he will be working/writing/retreating on his own and I will have many days of solitude.

I haven't known just what I wanted to spend my days doing - not specifically anyway. There have been books purchased, and I have prayed many prayers asking God to be present... but mostly I feel like the Lord is waiting to reveal the entire purpose of our trip.

It feels like I am being drawn into a deep breath ... and soon... in the exhale He will reveal it all.

As I wrote in my last post - I do feel a call to deeper repentance ... though, I am not sure what that means exactly. I feel called to fast ... so I will be doing some of that as well. Mostly, I want to seek the Lord, and I want to be found by Him - I want to feel His presence - I want to feel Him near and worship. I want to feel Him working in me, making me clean, making me ready for whatever is next.

I was reading a prayer in the Puritan collection The Valley of Vision, called Openness... it speaks my heart better than I do.


Lord of Immortality,

Before whom angels bow and archangels veil their faces,

   enable me to serve thee with reverence and godly fear.

Thou who art Spirit and requirest truth in the inward parts,

   help me to worship thee in spirit and in truth.

Thou who art righteous,

   let me not harbour sin in my heart,

         or indulge a worldly temper,

         or seek satisfaction in things that perish.

I hasten towards an hour

   when earthly pursuits and possessions will appear vain,

   when it will be indifferent whether I have been rich or poor,

   successful or disappointed,

   admired or despised.

But it will be of eternal moment that I have

   mourned for sin,

        hungered and thirsted after righteousness,

        loved the Lord Jesus in sincerity,

        gloried in his cross.

May these objects engross my chief solicitude!

Produce in me those principles and dispositions

   that make thy service perfect freedom.

Expel from my mind all sinful fear and shame,

   so that with firmness and courage I may

        confess the Redeemer before men,

        go forth with him bearing his reproach,

        be zealous with his knowledge,

        be filled with his wisdom,

        walk with his circumspection,

        ask counsel of him in all things,

        repair to the Scriptures for his orders,

        stay my mind on his peace,

   knowing that nothing can befall me

       without his permission, appointment and administration.