dreams

I have had interesting dreams the last 2 nights. I can't remember my dream from the other night - I only remember that it lasted all night and each time I awoke and fell back to sleep I was in the same dream again. I really wish I wrote it down.

But my dream from last night was the same kind of thing - each time I awoke and fell back to sleep I was in the same dream. I was in some kind of institution and I was a teenager. I was with lots of other kids my age - and they all felt like friends - we were all on the same side - in it together. But they were all brainwashed or something like that and I wasn't. However, the people running the place didn't know that I wasn't brainwashed.  We were all afraid, we all did what we were told, but all wanted to get away but couldn't.

I started writing to my Mom. But we weren't allowed to send mail, and even if I made it into town - 'they' were in on everything. So I was writing on scraps of paper, and old boxes - whatever I could find and writing in secret. I kept thinking that if I could just get it to my Mom, she would come and find me and rescue us.

At one point I got caught, my letters confiscated, and then I was drugged again. But even in my fog I was still plotting to get away, still trying to write my letters. A friend who also was immune to their brainwashing just up and walked out one night. She just decided to get out and did it.

I woke up still feeling trapped, still in a fog. I immediately asked the Lord if the dream was from Him and what it meant. I received some impressions. I have been reading a book, Experiencing The Spirit by Robert Heidler, and as I was reading it felt like I am missing out on so much of what the Lord has to offer. That trapped feeling is just that - I feel like I am missing something important and that I am waiting for help. My Mom in this dream is a spiritual mother. I have been praying for a long time for a mentor and the Lord has said 'no, not right now' in the past. But recently I have begun to pray again and I feel like I am just waiting for her to be revealed. I also have been feeling like someone - maybe her - is supposed to lay hands on me and pray for an unleashing of the Spirit in me. I also feel like all those friends with me are waiting too but do not know what they are waiting for. Don't know what they need or even want. I certainly didn't know until recently.

I want more of the Spirit, more presence, more power in my life to overcome sin, to see the Lord's amazing works here on earth. To see Him exalted and praised, to see Him displayed mightily in the church. To see many saved, to see healings, and miracles, and much much more of His glory! Holy Spirit Come!

not sure

I am not even sure want I want to write ... I have been down ... but Lord I want to hope in You - and I do!  Yet I feel such a sadness.

Where are all the people to sacrifice? Where are all the people filled with faith? Where are the people to pray? Where are the people to worship with their whole lives? Who is doing your work, Lord?

It seems like too few. It seems like there is not enough power. But what can we do, but to pray and wait on you ... wait in faith for your work to be completed in me and everyone around me.

prayer for my church

There is an undercurrent of darkness in my church. The Lord has had it on my heart to pray for many months now. He has asked me to repent for my church. Yet even more ugliness has been revealed. I cried all throughout church on Sunday, I felt like the Lord wanted me to share some of His own pain for His church. I wept for my own sinfulness as well. I cried for many friends who I know are struggling.

I know there are no easy quick answers. But I know God, that you have already provided the victory. That Jesus has already won the day. Hope has already come.

Father, fill my church with conviction of the Holy Spirit. Fill us with faith in your victory and power to overcome sin. Fill us up with grace and compassion and forgiveness. Shower us in Your Light, bring a revival. Bring more people to pray for your truth and faith to win here on earth - in each of our hearts and lives. May our church shine gloriously for You.