a better plan

I have been going back and forth in a conversation with myself and others about God's sovereignty and our responsibility/free will. I know it is an never-ending circle - no one can ever win this argument. As soon as you argue too much on one side - you lose too much on the other. In the end it is a both/and. God is sovereign and yet somehow we are free to choose. Most of our conversation has been about prayer - does faith play a part, do I need to pray, do my prayers make a difference.... etc.

For me though, God's sovereignty was never in question - I do believe He is in control of all things - and is weaving together all things for His glory and our highest good and joy. My problem is knowing just what my responsibility is. We are called to be co-laborers, not to harden our hearts, to ask, and pray, be persistent, to persevere in prayer, and express our faith - what does all of that mean , look like? Why, what is it all for - if He knows the end - and has control over the end - how do we participate in all of it?

I don't know... my greatest thought on all of it is that somehow in our finite portion of life - it matters. And besides all of that He has commanded us in all these things. So I can either choose to obey and step out in faith and expect Him to lead me along just like He says He will - trusting His character, or I can sit back and do nothing and miss out on being a part of what He is doing.

Either way there will be suffering - that's what this life offers in the end ... but if I am willing to suffer along with Jesus - in whatever He may choose for me - I can experience His mercy, grace, and joy in all of that suffering. The latter sounds like a better plan to me.

As I have gone around and around on this, a theme has kept coming up - a friend put into just the right words for me ... we are spiritually lazy. We have not be doing our part - however meager it may be. We are called to pray, to persist, to have amazing faith, to not harden our hearts, to persevere in prayer, to sacrifice, to speak out the truth, to evangelize - the list could go on forever ... and we simply are not doing it enough. We are not stepping out in faith trusting that God will supply the things that we need in whatever He has called us to. In fact we are not even listening to the call. We are not putting ourselves before Him listening for our call to action. We are not willing to be fools for Him, we are not willing to sacrifice our time, sleep, tv, food, or whatever - to pray, pray and pray some more and then go and do the things He has called us to.

I have been reading a book - Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret. I just started reading it yesterday and already I am struck by his amazing faith. His total willingness to sacrifice, and sacrifice, and sacrifice for the Lord. He lived utterly on faith - it's almost ridiculous to read  - I can hardly believe its true! He always expected the Lord to show up and do amazing things - and God did. I have never seen faith like this - I have never known anyone that has lived this kind of poured out life.

It makes me want to pray a lot more. It makes me want to give up more of my crap and be free from it. It makes me want to sacrifice time, food, pleasure - all of those things to see more of the Lord. It makes me want to have more faith - so God can do even more amazing things through me.