Jesus

I am struggling this morning. Prayer time was awful - no - worse than awful. I couldn't put 2 coherent thoughts together. I ended just saying Jesus' name over and over for an hour. Begging for clarity, begging for help.

I just read over the last couple of entries in my blog and am in awe that God has brought some clarity and direction in the last couple of months and that He allowed me to actually hear it. The rest of the time I feel like I am floundering around in the dark trying to find a door out of the darkness and into light.

Why do I ache so much? What is it? What is it for? What are you trying to teach me? And if that is where I can find You - how can I stay open to so much pain?

This verse kept coming to mind... I will meditate on it.

Luke 22: 39- 46

Then, accompanied by the disciples, Jesus left the upstairs room and went as usual to the Mount of Olives. There he told them, "Pray that you will not give in to temptation."
He walked away, about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him. He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.
At last he stood up again and returned to the disciples, only to find them asleep, exhausted from grief. "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation."