helper

I am supposed to be writing a praise psalm for the prayer study I am leading. It is not working out so well for me. Hence the previous entry. I felt like I needed to get that stuff out if there was going to be any room  in me for praise. It seems like lately those thoughts are all that is in me. Everything is foggy and confusing and clogged. I am trying to wait on the Lord, but I am not good at waiting.

When I try to think of things that are praise worthy - I know them to be true - but they don't make my heart beat faster right now - they are just words. I hate it when the Word falls flat in me - it doesn't feel like me... and I suppose it's not the real me.  It makes me think of that line in a hymn - 'my heart is tuned to sing Your praise.' Except that the reverse feels true of me.

These are the thoughts I have so far - that I know to be true:
You are the Creator.
You are faithful.
You are higher and Your ways are higher.

That was yesterday -
Today the Lord was my helper. Last night I had a dream about snakes in my house, crawling behind my bed. I woke up and felt the Lord telling me that there was evil present in our home. I also woke up with my current neck/back pain even worse than it was the night before. As I began to pray I rebuked the evil in my room, I confessed my sin and the sins of my community, and prayed for healing. I believe the Lord answered all three of those prayers. I felt His presence - a warmth as He healed me - not all the way - but drastically better! And I felt as though He was really glad of my repentance. That He has been waiting for me to know I needed not only to repent for my own sins but for my church as well. Almost like He has been calling me to do it but I didn't understand. Perhaps some of the burden I have been feeling was not my own? I don't know its something to pray about more...

But finally my praise has come out as well - I felt light and fresh as I wrote this - I am not a great writer but I think the Lord is pleased!:

Awaken my heart to praise You, Father.
Blow through me Spirit, and breathe out words of praise for You.

You are the Creator, high and mighty above all things.
You spread out the heavens like a blanket at Your feet.
The sun is only a small reflection of Your glory,
the stars and moon only a reminder of Your radiance.

When I stop and I am quiet, I can see the beauty of Your hand at work around me.
I catch a glimpse of Your power in the wind,  and Your loving embrace in the heat of the sun.
Lord God, How can Your name not be known in all the earth!?

You are weaving together all of time and fit each piece perfectly with the next.
Your thoughts are so far above me, so beyond me.
And yet You take time for me, and my small concerns.
Your care is amazing!

The colors, and light and the movement of the trees, sing a song out to You.
They speak of Your imagination, attention to detail, and Your gentleness.
Let me sing out with them Lord, teach my heart to praise You!
Let my whole soul burst out in joy!