attack

Fear seems to be a theme in my life right now. The kind that grips your heart and seizes your stomach, and keeps you awake at night and keeps you consumed during the day. It seems to come and go at odd times, though I try not to entertain those thoughts, I confess that sometimes I do. I do not like being afraid, everything about it feels wrong and out of place, yet it still comes. It comes at me in little lies that life can fall apart at any minute, my husband could get hit by a car, or I could die unexpectedly, or a disease could hit. These lies also come with a lie that God is too small to deal with any of those things or that He doesn't care enough to keep them away. I keep reminding myself that 'perfect love casts out all fear' - again and again I say it to myself.

At first I was trying to figure out if it was a warning from the Lord, but now I am convinced it is a spiritual attack. Because not only am I struggling against fear but confusion. When I try to pray it is almost like I can not put two coherent thoughts together. I usually just end up praying for clarity and to rest in the truth, and end my prayer time early. Another unpleasant side effect is that I am grouchy. Everyone feels like they are hovering, irritating, and fussy. I know it can't be all their fault.

So how do I find my rest in You in all of this Lord? How do I rest in the truth - that your perfect love really does cast out all fear? Jesus - rescue me from my lack of faith.

Psalm 27:3-6
Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. The one thing I ask of the Lord, The thing I seek the most - is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord's perfections and meditating in His Temple. For He will conceal me there when troubles come; He will hide me in His sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me. At His sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy, singing and praising the Lord with music.

Today I will sing Your praise - loudly!