treasure

Am I living like Jesus is the prize, the greatest treasure, do I count everything else as loss in comparison to Him?

For the longest time I would read the parable of the man who finds a treasure in a field ( who then goes and sells all he owns and buys that field ), and would walk away wondering. I would think about what kind of treasure he had found - I usually would conjure up in my mind some sort of pirates treasure chest. And then it always seemed silly to me to go and sell everything to get this treasure when he could have just dug it up and had even more money.

I have always known what the parable truly meant - but I just didn't get it. Up until last summer I have only had small tastes of God. Bits and moments here and there, nothing extreme. The tastes would always drive me to keep plodding along but I would never have thrown away everything else to run after Jesus like the guy in the parable. Why does God give Himself out in such small amounts?

In the last 9 months or so I have been struggling with God to defeat certain sins that have been in me for years. A prideful demanding spirit, idolatries, escape techniques to avoid Him, and a whole bunch of lies. I probably - no wait - I definitely would not have been willing to shed these things if God had not given me such a grand taste of Him. The shedding was hard, gut wrenching work. I had been hanging onto some of those sins for my whole life - they defined me in some ways. But because I finally had seen the real treasure - Jesus - and met with Him, heard from Him, felt Him - I knew His heart. I could trust Him and be willing to let go.

I think God wants to give Himself to us more fully, but we don't attend to Him enough to know that, and experience Him. I was giving Him my left overs, all the while thinking He should be thanking me for what little time I gave Him. My pride and lack of passion and commitment are what kept me from knowing Him.


Oh God, how I want to continue to shed all of this crap in me. Give me more faith to follow you with everything that I am. Help my heart to treasure you above all things, and give me energy, strength and wisdom to choose You above everything else.