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...More than surrender. I had that before. More than listening to God. I tried that before. I cannot find the word that will mean to you or to me what I am experiencing. It is a will act. I compel my mind to open straight out toward God. I wait and listen with determined sensitiveness. I fix my attention there, and sometimes it requires a long time early in the morning.
                                                              - Frank Laubach

I am trying to figure out just what this means..." a will act. I compel my mind to open straight out toward God." There are many concepts that I understand as Laubach explains them but this idea of opening my mind straight out to God seems elusive. I feel like I get the concept of being still before God - I can do that, though I am continually filled with many distractions. And I feel like I get the idea of turning my inner monologue into a dialogue with the Lord - I am trying to do that more often. And I get the idea of returning my thoughts back to God again and again all day long - I feel like I am trying to do that as well - with increasing frequency. But I do not feel like I am getting this one. Even though I am spending many of my thoughts on the Lord and praying much more, I do not feel like I have entered a new spiritual home yet.

Another writer, Alice Smith, says that for her to enter that special place with the Lord - she spends a great deal of time praising the Lord - speaking words of love and adoration to Him in prayer. I have been trying to do that more. I have asked the Lord to fill me with words of praise for Him because my words always seem so small and weak. I have tried praying through and meditating on scripture as well - at the very least trying to borrow words of praise.  All of these attempts are good and I am learning a lot but I do not feel like I have made it home yet. But I am determined to keep trying.