Today I really want to run and hide from God. Outside it's totally gloomy. It has been gloomy for weeks now - barely a sighting of sun in weeks and this whole week will be more of the same. The weather just echos what it feels like on the inside. I am aching and tired and lonely and frustrated.
That is why I want to hide. In the past, by now I would have turned the TV on to escape this feeling - I really want to do that now. Or I would have gotten something delicious to eat - I have wanted chocolate all day. Or I would have taken out my mood on everyone around me to vent the pain - thankfully the Spirit is exercising control over that. I still want to do all those things but I am desperately trying to turn my mind back to Christ again and again. It helps to turn on worship music to keep my mind focused.
I am trying not to beg God to come. Though I really want Him here - I miss Him. Certainly, I have asked Him to come and be with me but I'm trying not to beg. I know even though I do not feel Him near, that He is always with me. The Spirit never leaves me and Thank God - He intercedes for me in accordance with the will of the Father. I need to remember that.
His will has to be first, and if this is what He has for me right now I need to submit to it. I need to sit and wait and trust and struggle and feel all of this to learn what He wants to know about Him. I need to trust His heart for me, believe His character, remember what he has already given - and continue to worship.
So I will offer Him my desire to hide, and my desire to run and scream out in frustration - as a sacrifice of my flesh - and continue to see Him as He really is. I will keep moving toward Him - I will.
No comments:
Post a Comment