standing at the edge

Last summer one of the things that the Lord taught me was about standing on the edge. I had a continual vision/image of myself standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon. But it wasn't good enough just to be near the edge - I had to be right at the edge, with my toes dangling over. Right on the brink of falling. If I stepped back to feel safe - I was in a place of self-protection, away from God - not trusting, not willing to let Him have me. But when I stepped closer to that almost going over the edge place and raised my hands to Him in worship teetering - He was there, so close - willing to sweep me up in His wind and take my feet off of the cliff and take me flying with Him.

This image is something I come back to again and again. Though its different now. I start thinking on the image and sometimes I can be right on the edge and other times I can only look on like an observer. Its the times that I feel like an observer that are the most frustrating. It's those moments when I know I really have some work to do before the Lord confessing, digging deeper, asking Him to reveal in me that which is harmful to our relationship.

Sometimes I feel like I am just a step away from the edge and I know that I have taken my eyes off of Him for too long and I need to bring my mind back to worship.

But there are also times that I am standing at the edge - ready - feeling open to Him, and yet I need to be content to wait. I can worship Him but He does not feel close - He wants me to wait. I don't always know what the waiting is for but I need to learn to be content with what He gives or does not give - and maybe that is all I need to know.

But then there are the times when He reveals Himself and I can feel His presence again - its not like it was last summer - so full and so safe - but it is what He has given me for now. And I will take it. And I will remember that the Lord is the one who fills me up - He knows what I need, when I need it. And I am learning to be content.

getting started

I am beginning. I want to learn to practice the presence of the Lord, like Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach both did among others. I am feeling pulled by the Lord to try and keep Him in mind all day long, each moment. This will not be easy but I know it will be worth it. Who can be more worth spending time with than the Lord?

I am not quite sure what or how this will happen - I have to let the Lord guide me along. That's kind of what this blog is for - to let things unfold - to share what God is showing me and to hear from others who are trying to do the same. A warning to anyone who may read this - I am not a great writer. But I do try to be totally honest. I have no desire to sugar coat anything - or try and make myself look or sound more spiritual than I am. I am a sinner just like everyone else. But I know God can work great things through sinful people. It is my attempt to let God do that in me.

I want to know Him. I want to walk with Him knowing and trusting His heart. I want to be dazzled by His glory - and I want my life to reflect that dazzling glory. I want to worship with everything that I am. I want to know His voice better than my own. I want to follow Him no matter what may happen. I want to be completely abandoned to His will and work in me.

Psalm 24:
Who may climb the mountain of the Lord?
Who may stand in His holy place?
Only those whose hands and hearts are pure,
who do not worship idols, and never tell lies.
They will receive the Lord's blessing
and have right standing with God their savior.
They alone may enter God's presence
and worship the God of Jacob.

Open up ancient gates! Open up, ancient doors,
and Let the King of glory enter!